Until We Find Home by Cathy Gohlke

Cathy Gohlke is a favorite for me. She is a master storyteller. She weaves a story before us that takes us back in time to the year of 1940. The war is the backdrop for this story. The main theme is courage under fire. How do you find courage to move forward when you aren't even sure where to step? This is where we find our main character, Claire. A young and beautiful American who has joined the French Resistance. That alone sounds courageous, right? But what happens when the plan goes terribly wrong and the support you thought was waiting for you just isn't to be found? Claire is filled with fear, but the challenge is before her. 

What I love is that she doesn't want to go along with this any longer. The fear is too much. The love she holds for one is most uncertain. She has no idea where to turn. She needs help. This is where we see God move. Just when she thinks there isn't another way He makes a way. Just when she's too tired to budge, there He is to provide aid. A safe place to lay her head, protection in the darkness, and warmth when all she feels is cold. 

This novel journeys with Claire as she seeks solace for the children of this war. She wants them to be safe, to have a home, to have safety, but she doesn't think she's the one to do it. Oh, from Claire, which I didn't so much like at times, I could easily see myself in her. That self doubt, that fear of being alone, the feeling of just wanting to be with the one you love. But, Claire doesn't remain in fear too long. She finds she isn't alone at all. And most of all she realizes she is surrounded by love. Love unexpected. 

There is so much to this novel. The characters are beautifully written. The details give just enough and then gives room for the imagination to come alive. I wanted to leave my dishes and all my chores just so I could keep reading. I would close this novel at night and wake hours later dreaming about this story. That's one powerful story!!!

Claire so wanted to go back home. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Through her journey we see that God never leaves us. He remained with Claire and guided her right to where she was to be. You might say she bloomed right where she was planted. She found home in a place she never expected.  I love when God shows us that no matter what, no matter where we are, He is going to make way for big things to happen if we will just trust in Him. Little by little this is what Claire learned to do. 

I loved this novel. I cannot wait to see what's next for Cathy!!

This novel was a gift from Tyndale for sharing my review with you. 

Cathy Gohlke is a three-time Christy Award-winning author. She and her husband divide their time between northern Virginia and the Jersey Shore, enjoying time with their grown children and grandchildren. Visit her website at www.cathygohlke.com and find her on Facebook at CathyGohlkeBooks. 

The Air I Breathe (Worship As A Way Of Life) by Louie Giglio

Louie Giglio is that cheerleader we all in our corner. He's that guy who loves to just talk Jesus. It isn't even that Jesus is the first word in the conversation. It's that every conversation goes back to Jesus. Simply put: He's in the air Louie breathes and it is so evident. Yes, this is how we are to live!! Breathing in Jesus in everything no matter how big or small. 

This is a little book with a mighty life lesson. Worship isn't just for Sunday. Worship is our life. Worship is breathing in Jesus. 

"We aren't designed to operate on a weekly worship cycle, but on a moment-by-moment connection of personal worship that's as much a part of our lives as the air we breathe. As we come together with other believers in worship, we bring that same sense of focus we've had in our daily journey. We bring that same determined devotion. Trust me, church is a lot better when our gathering are filled with people who have been pursuing God for six days before they get there. Church as a "refill" or a "tank-up" is a disaster. Corporate worship works best when we arrive with something to offer God. Sure, it is true that we are strengthened and refreshed by what happens when we worship with other believers, but leaning on Sunday as our only time of spiritual intake is a recipe for languid worship and anemic Body. Church is supposed to be a celebration of our personal journeys with God since we were last together. Imagine what would happen if each person in the congregation was seeking the face of God throughout the week. Some would encounter sorrow, others major happiness. But all would have a story to tell of God's faithfulness in good times and bad. What would happen if we came worshiping to church, filled with an awareness of His presence before we even reached the door? Well, for one, the lead worshiper's job would be a lot easier! And the intensity of our collective offering would be full-on. Can you see it? All of our personal streams of worship flowing into one surging river. One mighty anthem. A beautiful mosaic, telling an even greater story of who God is and what He's done."

This book is filled with wonderful insights on Spirit-filled worship living. Moment by moment worship. We all worship something, right? We may not think we are worshiping people, but we might be surprised to list the things that are of most value to us. Louie reminds us that, "Worship isn't something we attend, like a movie or a concert. Worship is something you enter into with all your might".

I enjoyed this book because it is a great reminder of what worship really is. It makes me think if I'm not worshiping all week and I leave it for Sunday what I am really gaining? If anything, I'm losing a great deal of blessings for the other six days of the week. I also take a way that worship has nothing to do with circumstance. No matter what kind of day I am having I can still worship. 

This is a book for any age, and for a believer at any of their faith journey. A mighty gift to the person who has not yet accepted Jesus as Savior. A great tool for Sunday school, a youth gathering, for any church group wanting to know what real worship is. 

After spending time in a Louie Giglio book I always walk away with great tools that help me in my faith journey. This is one I will keep on my shelf to go back to again and again. 

This book was a gift from WaterbrookMultnomah for sharing my review with you.

Louie Giglio is pastor of Passion City Church and the founder of the Passion movement. Since 1997, Passion has gathered college-age young people at events across the U.S. and around the world, uniting millions of students in worship, prayer, and justice. In addition to the Passion Conference gatherings, Louie and his wife, Shelley, lead the teams at Passion City Church, sixstepsrecords, and the Passion Global Institute. Louie is the author of The Comeback, I Am Not But I Know I Am, and Goliath Must Fall. Louie and Shelley make their home near Atlanta, Georgia. 

Missing Isaac penned by Valerie Fraser Luesse

This was a gem of a read. We travel through the years of 1962-1968 as we follow Pete, a young teen at the beginning of the story, but as we come to a close in the novel we see through these years he grows in great depths. 

This young boy faces loss, a loss I faced at the age of nineteen. Losing his dad greatly impacted his life. We see the character of his father through Pete's life. He lives a life of honor and doesn't allow trial or tragedy to cause him to choose a different way of life. He stays grounded in the foundation that his parents gave him. This is a wonderful trait to see in a character. He was easy to love. 

In the title, Missing Isaac, well, it fits perfectly. Isaac is another figure in the novel that stands out. He worked the land, but he was much more than a hired hand. He was a friend to the family. Pete's dad and Isaac shared a deep friendship. After the death of Pete's dad, Isaac steps in even more so to walk this journey with Pete. 

Friendships between these characters is sometimes hard to find in our world today. But Luesse gives us a great gift to look back in time when things really weren't so different as today. If we really look hard we can find those who are willing to walk the walk and talk the talk of a life of faith. I love how faith is woven throughout this novel. It is gently shared in the lives of the characters as we see them struggle and try to overcome the curve balls life throws at us at warp speed. Sometimes as we see there isn't much time to get over one hit before another is thrown our way. 

I love that this fictitious novel is grown in Glory, Alabama. Glory indeed is what we are invited to see. These characters are ordinary people doing extraordinary things. We see priority and people doing what's right even when it's not understood by others. We see characters standing up for those they love, fighting for justice for those who no longer have a voice, all in a place where there is judgement if your different. 

We see the color of our skin shouldn't make a difference in how we are accepted, but because all of our colors are different we should embrace and celebrate the heart of man inside out. 

I really loved this novel. What a wonderful debut for this author. I cannot wait to see what's next. One thing I loved was the older characters who walk in such mighty faith and trust, who give advice with love and kindness. Characters who give without wondering what the cost is for them. 

We travel with Pete as he misses Isaac. We too get to see the legacy of Isaac. He wasn't a perfect man. Oh, but if not for the grace of God there go I. But what Isaac had was a deep love for others, whether for friend or for stranger, he was willing to give all of himself. 

I loved the relationships and how the author gave us such a powerful portrayal of what life is like when we dare to take a chance on really caring, seeing beyond ourselves, and being willing to spend time with another, not so much for our benefit, but for the blessing to reach far beyond just {me}.  

This novel was a gift from Revell for sharing my review with you. 

Valerie Fraser Luesse is an award-winning writer and a senior travel editor for Southern Living. Specializing in stories about unique pockets of Southern culture, Luesse has published major pieces on the Gulf Coast, the Mississippi Delta, Louisiana's Acadian Prairie, and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. She lives in Alabama. 

Imperfect Justice by Cara Putman

If you're on the search for a legal thriller series this is it!! The first of the Hidden Justice Series is Beyond Justice. (Take a peek at my review). Cara Putman ROCKS! With great anticipation I grabbed up the second installment of this series and let me share with you that it is exceptional in every way! 

The characters leap off the pages. They are so full of life. Strong characters with determination and hope. They live their lives standing for justice, seeking justice, and using the law to their advantage in fighting evil. 

We once again get to follow the lives of the characters in the first novel, but this one takes on the journey of Emilie and a new character, Reid. Putman is a genius in bringing the reader characters with a purpose. They aren't just going through the motions of life, they are living every moment with intention. I love this! We are allowed to see the transparency in these characters through their emotions, wounds, and battles. 

I admire these characters in how they seek the truth. They don't do easy. They are ready and willing to give their all. They walk in faith. They cheer one another onward. We see friendships, a growing romance, the legal side of fighting for justice, and in all of this we see faith entwined throughout these magnificent people that the reader is invited to care about. 

Putman is wonderful with detail. She gives the reader an opportunity to follow the journey of the characters by giving us a fast passed, intelligent, and powerful read. I love closing a novel and wishing for more. This is one of those novels I didn't want to put down. 

In this novel we are reminded of the heroes that often fight for justice behind the scenes. They advocate for those who cannot fight the battle alone. We too see the main characters doubt themselves. We see the battle within as they question themselves. The battle of the flesh, of fear, of doubt. But, wow, do they overcome. This novel doesn't just take place in the courtroom as other legal thrillers. Putman takes us to the heart of each character as we travel with them through every aspect of their lives. 

Loved it!! I can't wait for the third installment of this amazing series. 😊

This novel was a gift from Thomas Nelson for sharing my review with you. 

Cara Putman graduated high school at sixteen, college at twenty, and completed her law degree at twenty-seven. She has published more than twenty books, teaches college courses, practices law, and is a homeschooling mom. She lives with her husband and children in Indiana. CaraPutman.com

Perennials by Julie Cantrell

First let me say that Julie Cantrell is a master storyteller. Her novels "Into the Free", and "When Mountains Move", are still at the top of my favorite list. These two novels are the reason I love to read. Writers like Julie have a gift to capture the heart and move the soul. 

I was excited when I first seen Perennials was up for review. I knew I had to read these penned words that stir up a story. 

When I first in the beginning chapter going back to the summer of 1979 in Oxford, Mississippi I set my heart in motion for a fantastic read. 

I love the fact that there are two sisters and their relationship is at center of this story. It is because of their relationship, their rivalry, that these two characters are who they are today. Once so close, feet muddy in the dirty fun of Mississippi, the day arrives when everything changes. One choice, one action, one lie. From there their rivalry grows in this adult creature that divides them. 

Mom and dad are still living in Mississippi. Our main character, Eva, known as Lovey, moves as far away as possible. She makes a new life in Arizona. She leaves behind everything she once was so long ago. Funny how even just a little time of insecurity and sadness can seem like a lifetime. 

Eva is now working in advertising. The lie of so long ago that tore up her life and changed everything is now a natural part of her everyday life at the job. Lying to people to sell. I do love how Cantrell ties in lying. We lie for many reasons and in this novel we see why the heart of these characters lie. Sometimes it is to protect. Sometimes it is to defend. 

The sister of this rivalry, Bitsy, still lives close to mom and dad. She has made a life of perfection for herself. That's the perception she wants to give. It seems these sisters have much between them, but if they could get past the ugly and come together, they could see that their lives are not so different. Reality doesn't always look pretty, but when we have encouragement and support, it makes all the difference. By the end of this story they kind of come to see this.

So, mom and dad are soon to have their fiftieth  wedding anniversary. They are encouraging Eva to return home and help bring this celebration to life. Family first or job first? Family first for Bitsy, but for Eva, she puts herself first. I can understand why she would come to feel this way. She tries everything, but nothing quite ever makes her feel a part of the family. She was always blamed for an accident where all these years the truth has remained hidden. She has spoken the truth, but no one pays attention to her. More infuriating angst against her sister. It breaks my heart that her parents never seen past the lies. They always wanted to bring the family together, but it seemed they wanted to do so without fixing what has been broken for so many years. 

Okay, so Eva goes home and the story continues with this family. So much happens between them. So much goes unspoken. This family is about to face circumstances we never prepare for but always experience. But this family does come to feel a peace that has been missing for so long. 

This is a full circle of a young girl leaving home, setting out on her own, finding herself and living her dream, but always missing a piece of herself. She was homesick and didn't even realize that is what has been missing. But home, once left for so long is never quiet the same when you return. 

Now, if I stopped here I could give this story a five star review. There's so much I loved about this story, but so much that I didn't. First of all, I see this more and more with Thomas Nelson. When I choose a Christian novel I expect, with their tradition and character, to have a faith-based novel. This again is not the case. There is much spirituality, but that is based in Buddhism, and the Buddhist prayer wheel, and her spiritual guide who leads her down these paths to bring life full circle. During one of her walks she even visualizes someone. Mary? This is New Age stuff. I can understand the writer bringing in this to show just how far she has come from the girl she was in Mississippi, but there isn't a faith that she returns to. That's huge for me. 

Her mother loves gardens so they create for her a Mary garden. Even at the end of the novel, where she has returned home and coming back to herself, she is still traveling this Buddhist spiritual walk. Since this isn't mainstream publication and is from Thomas Nelson I expected more. To bring in faith, to share Christ, to return to a faith left would have totally changed this novel for me. 

Again, there is so much to love. I greatly admire Julie Cantrell as a writer. But if you are totally Christian fiction keep in mind this isn't the faith read one expects from Thomas Nelson. It is unlike any other novel this author has penned. Even though I didn't connect to this one I will still wait in anticipation for her next work. And remember, this is only my opinion. You may pick up this novel and love it from front to back. It is my hope that you do!! 

This novel was a gift from Thomas Nelson for sharing my review with you. 

Julie Cantrell is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Into the Free, the 2013 Christy Award-winning Book of the Year and recipient of the Mississippi Library Association's Fiction Award. Cantrell has served as editor-in-chief of the Southern Literary Review and is a recipient of the Mississippi Arts Commission Literary Fellowship. Her second novel, When Mountains Move, won the 2014 Carol Award for Historical Fiction and, like her debut, was selected for several Top Reads lists. Her third novel, The Feathered Bone, was named Best Read by Library Journal and is currently a finalist for multiple awards, including Southern Book Prize.

Across the Blue by Carrie Turanksky

Let me begin with the cover. Genius! Just a gorgeous cover and very telling of the story. We have the main character, the flying machine, and the backdrop the cliff that brings this story together. 

We travel back to the year of 1909. The Edwardian Era. That alone catches my attention for a great read. The Grayson family moves to a new estate. It is here on this estate where Isabella Grayson meets James Drake. Both of these characters are so well depicted. Even in the conversation the reader is allowed to see the heart of the character. 

Bella's parents are wanting her to focus on marriage and accepting a suitor sooner than later. Their focus is all about appearance and the social calendar. We see a time where a woman doesn't have the rights we so often take for granted today. Women are expected to be in their place, but Bella has dreams that she isn't giving up on and that is so wonderful to see in a character. She respects her parents. She knows where she has come from and the heritage that gives her a name. She feels confident within herself. She is entering a whole new world that gives way for other women. She's a trailblazer that doesn't allow her fears to hold her back. 

Now we James Drake. He too has dreams and isn't giving up on those. I absolutely love his character. He doesn't know much about his past. He was raised by his mentor that gave him a wonderful life,  but one much different from Bella. Where she finds herself to be comfortable anywhere, James doesn't have such confidence. He is surrounded by wealthy people. People where your name means everything. He isn't sure of his last name. I find him to be content, but also he has that heart like us all that just wants to be accepted for who he is. 

We see these characters come together and grow in mighty ways. As their dreams are taking flight we too not only get to see how these dreams soar,  but also we find answers to a hidden past. A name may give status, but in Christ Jesus we are all valuable. I love how faith is gently weaved throughout this story. So many years separate then and now, but there are many things that are still prevalent to us today. To find ourselves in a world that is all about status brings us to see what's really important in life.  

I really enjoyed this novel. Beauty from first to last page. Exceptional writing within these pages. Turansky has the gift to bring a story to life. Such descriptive writing that gives the reader just enough to keep them captivated and enough room to allow their imagine to soar. The writing easily flows. The characters are so captivating I was easily drawn to them. All of this makes for an amazing story.

Happy reading!💚

This novel was a gift from WaterbrookMultnomah for sharing my review. 

Carrie Turansky is an award-winning author of nearly twenty novels and novellas. She has been the winner of the ACFW Carol Award, the Crystal Globe Award, and the International Digital Award, and a finalist for the Inspirational Readers Choice Award and the Maggie Award for Excellence. A prolific writer of contemporary and historical romance, women's fiction, short stories, articles, and devotionals. Carrie lives in central New Jersey with her husband, Scott. They have five adult children and several grandchildren. 

Is This The End? (Signs of God's Providence in a Disturbing New World) by Dr. David Jeremiah

Spectacular!!! My husband was first to read this book. He came to me and shared that he thought it was quite amazing. For him to enjoy a book its gotta be beyond superb. 

So, I picked it up and literally didn't want to put it down until I was finished. That usually doesn't happen with non-fiction. Now with a great fiction read I can read for hours at a time, so for this to hold my attention and be so intriguing with truths and Biblical wisdom, I can share with you without a doubt that this is one book every Christian needs to read. One book we need to pass on to all our friends, believer in Christ or yet to know Him. 

Powerful and poignant. Dr. Jeremiah is very straight forward. There is no being afraid to offend. He speaks Biblical truth without hesitation. 

We can watch mainstream media and think all is fine. Mercy, let us look outside mainstream media for the truths of today's reality and let us look to God for tomorrrow's.

This book is splint into two parts. The first Dr. Jeremiah speaks about the end of America, with chapters such as; The Age of Anything Goes, The Bleeding of Our Borders, The Increase of Intolerance, The Apathy of America, and The Remedy of Revival. The second portion of this book is focused on the world with chapters such as; The Isolation of Israel, The Insurgency of ISIS, The Resurrection of Russia, The Rapture of the Redeemed, and Translated Before the Tribulation. Do any of those topics hit home? They all do, right? This is a book that doesn't just touch on those subjects, but Jeremiah spends a lot of time going deep and bringing to light what is going on in our American and our world. One can see that he did an abundant amount of research. 

Here are a few of Dr. Jeremiah's words: 

"To most of us, it is clear that things cannot go on as they are, and we wonder, is everything we have known coming to an end? Is it too late to save our nation? Our world? Where can we go to find a realistic reason for hope? These are questions I will address in this book. But to avoid the possible accusation that I am promising more than I can deliver, let me be quick to say that some of the answers we seek are hidden in the mind of God. Only He knows whether the flickering ember of America's flame can be fanned back to life. And only He knows the timetable for Christ's return."

"We do not know whether American will soon fall. We do not know when the Lord will return. But we do know that whatever our circumstances, God's desire for us is to live without anxiety and with hope. He offers you "thoughts of peace and not of evil", and He wants "to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11)."

"In this book I will show you how to find that hope. It is a hope that is not dependent on whether America falls or recovers or whether world order stabilizes or disintegrates. It is a hope that rises above trouble and chaos, enabling you to keep your focus on your future reward and endure whatever comes, whether good or evil, with grace and equanimity." 

This is one of those books that will not only leave you pondering, but praying, seeking God in all this mess we live in today. Most of all, I find myself digging deeper within within the Word. That is what I love about Dr. Jeremiah. These are not just his thoughts. They are Biblical and he brings everything to the the Word of God. 

In our day when everyone wants to be politically correct it is refreshing to find such a trustworthy teacher, a man of God, who wants nothing more than to lead us to Christ, giving us the wisdom and tools to help us along this unknown journey. 

This book was a gift from Thomas Nelson for sharing my review with you. 

Dr. David Jeremiah is the founder of Turning Point, an international ministry committed to providing Christians with sound Bible teaching through radio and television, the internet, live events, and resource materials and books. He is the author of more than fifty books, including Captured by Grace, Angels: Who They Are and How They Help, What in the World Is Going On?, and Agents of the Apocalypse.

A Life Beyond Amazing (9 Decisions That Will Transform Your Life Today) by Dr. David Jeremiah

I have been blessed by David Jeremiah. His books and his preaching. I have been tuning in to watch him preach on this book. Seems so simple to use the word amazing, but that is exactly what it is. 

Those nine decisions that will transform our lives are from Galatians 5:22-23. "Our world needs solid-to-the-core people with unimpaired grit and unimpeded godliness. The church needs a rekindling of the nine traits that go to the core of character and are called the "fruit of the Spirit" in Galatians 5:22-23."

"This book is about character. It's about how we develop the character that Christ wants for us, that God makes us capable of achieving, and that the Holy Spirit is always, always ready to guide us to. I want to help you develop character qualities beyond the norm. I want to show you how to build a life beyond amazing, and, in so doing, make an impact beyond imagination." 

"The qualities of a life beyond amazing are produced within us by the Holy Spirit. It is His love, joy, peace, endurance, compassion, generosity, integrity, humility, and self-discipline you seek. These qualities represent the essence of the personality of Jesus Himself. When the Spirit of Christ comes to live within us, He reproduces Himself, putting these traits at our core so we can achieve godly character."

"None of what I share with you is beyond your reach...unless you try it alone, without the spiritual support Jesus makes available to us. That spiritual support will sustain you when what I'm asking you to do feels like more than you can handle, much less achieve."

Okay, I have shared just a little from the introduction alone. That's good stuff, right? There are nine chapters, each one jam-packed with extraordinary goodness for the soul. Food we all need for the endurance of this journey we are on today and preparation for the tomorrow in our journey. Each chapter goes through the nine characteristics of love, joy, peace, endurance, compassion, generosity, integrity, humility, and self-discipline. I wish I could share my notes for each chapter, but there just isn't enough room. 

Dr. Jeremiah uses the Word of God and he never strays from the truth of the Word. He shares personal stories, stories from others that will bring your heart to ponder, wisdom from other sojourners, those from the Bible and those who walk today with us. What I love is his transparency. He has a great love and passion to share Jesus. That makes him a great teacher. 

I appreciate his teaching. This book in particular really reaches into the heart. Does our speech and walk line up together? Am I living what I say I believe? I have found that I cannot just live one of these characteristics, it's kind of all or none. We may have to work harder at some as others come easy to us, but they all work together. If we love, Jesus love, these characteristics will flow from us. 

That's what we find here within these pages. He guides us to understanding how to live out this amazing life that Jesus has called us to. He brings scripture to the forefront of each chapter and uses reality, real life experiences, that lets us know we are not alone in this journey. 

"With the Holy Spirit at home in your heart, the nine virtues will begin to grow. As you nourish them with God's Word and repair them with repentance, they will mature you into a person ready to face each day with confidence and joy. And along the way there will be blessings. You will feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life. You will enjoy a closeness in your walk with God that you never imagined." 

If you're new to David Jeremiah this is a wonderful place to begin. If you're a longtime reader of his books and study then this is an awesome place to continue. There too is a study guide that goes along with this book. I use my David Jeremiah Study Bible for my studies and it may too be something you will enjoy as you journey forward in this incredible walk with Him.

This book was a gift from Thomas Nelson for sharing my review with you.

David Jeremiah is the founder of Turning Point, an international ministry committed to providing Christians with sound Bible teaching through radio and television, the Internet, live events, and resource materials and books. He is the author of more than fifty books, including Is This the End?, The Spiritual Warfare Answer Book, David Jeremiah Morning and Evening Devotions, Airship Genesis Kids Study Bible, and The Jeremiah Study Bible. Dr. Jeremiah Serves as the senior pastor of shadow Mountain Community Church in San Diego, California, where he resides with his wife, Donna. They have four grown children and twelve grandchildren. 

Late at Night in the Quiet of it All I Pray

For the longest time after the crash I couldn't sleep. It was a good seven months before I could sleep. Nightmares came at times. No one wants that call when you know tragedy is on the other end. I'd often wake in the early hours, sitting up in bed, thoughts rushing through my head. Then I'd remind myself. Rob, he's in bed. He's asleep. He's safe.

There are nights late when I walk Stanley that the moon is hanging over and the stars are shining God's glory. In front of our home is a two lane highway. Some drive slow. Many make the choice to speed. With Stanley on his leash he spends his time hunting. He probably listens to me as I talk to God. I know he does. Every once in a while his ears will perk up. Everything at that time of night seems so peaceful. As if grace has covered the night. 

I walk closer to the edge of the yard, keeping myself and Stanley safe. But I hear a car coming. As it passes I can feel the earth shake. The breeze from its speed rushes by and I in that moment think about what that night must have been for my husband. The impact. The rush. That moment where death and life are a fine line. 

See, last October 12, 2016 he was in a severe crash. He was stopped at light. It turned green but before he could get the truck in gear the driver, Dawn Woosley of Washington, Missouri,  was already swerving into his lane hitting him at a high rate of speed. Never braking. He was in her path of destruction. She was arrested that night for DWI. This woman refused to take a breathalyzer. Only one reason a person refuses that in my opinion. We are currently in two trials. One where the judge is making his decision on revoking her license. The second is the criminal case where she is charged with a Felony C- assault in the second degree-operating a vehicle while intoxicated. You can find all this information by going to case-net.This case is now set for jury trial April 5. Can you imagine a jury? They hate drunk drivers. Oh, wait. Accused drunk drivers. All twelve of them will hear the case, will hear my husband's testimony, and I will give the victim's impact statement. All this with our entire family sitting next to us. 

It is for this reason I cannot share a lot about my husband. What I can share is he is suffering from Post Concussive Syndrome. It's been over a year now. He was out of work for five months. He was forced back to work. If he hadn't we would have lost everything we have worked so very hard for over the last twenty-seven years together. His memory is scary. This is the husband who never had to look for phone numbers. He could tell you by heart every number in his phone. He's never forgotten dates, times, years. February 14th is our anniversary. He's never forgotten. This is the first time. Our oldest daughter's birthday is at the end of this month. He had no idea. He has ringing/buzzing constant in his ears. He says it sounds like cicadas. It has never stopped. So, this has done scary things to his hearing. I now have to look directly at him so he can hear me. Confusion and fogginess create days where plans are cancelled and home is the safe place to be. One of the hardest parts of this concussion is not being able to attend birthday parties of our grandchildren and to play with them as he always has. Loud sounds bring him to his knees. Light. That brings on headaches. The intense neck pain has never ended. Like I shared. Good days and bad days, but every day has changed. Nothing in our lives is the same as it was before the crash on October 12. 

I want my husband back. Whole and healed. I have become the person in our home who does the majority of everything. This isn't my husband. He's that man who helps me do everything. We have always helped one another. Now he grows so exhausted. 

I remind myself that it won't always be this way. This too shall pass. God will make right all that is wrong. Our faith remains strong. We know our Lord stands for His people. He surrounds us with His strength. Covers us with His peace. 

Closing my eyes I can hear the crash. I can hear metal crushing metal. I can see my husband rolling in his truck as he flipped end over end, landing upside down with gas pouring all over him and then crashing sideways into a utility pole. I see him frantically trying to get his six foot body out of a small side window. 

Yes, it's been over a year now. But it hasn't ended. It's difficult to move forward when this is now your life. We live this life never wanted, never expected, but one that was forced upon us by an individual who was careless. You know, this person is a nurse? This nurse, this bar owner, gets out of her vehicle laughing with her friend and never checks on my husband. How does that happen? If a person is in their right mind wouldn't you rush over? If you know you had just caused an innocent crash wouldn't you do all you could to help the person who you just injured? Especially being a nurse of all things? She never even picked up her cell phone to call 911. 

This Post Concussive Syndrome could last years. It could last a lifetime. This is what happens when irresponsible people get behind the wheel of a vehicle. My husband's life, my life, our entire family. To try and live a normal life, doing all the things we did before this crash, caring for our aging parents, helping with our grands, all of these activities of just a normal life is so extreme now. As it takes everything out of him it adds more stress to me. A circle that continues with such unknown. I have no idea where this Post Concussive Syndrome will take my husband. I can only pray for continued healing. Every day I wake up and hope to God that today is the day!

My husband loves to farm. He hasn't been able to do much of that. We planned a vacation to travel to New Mexico to spend time with my friend. It was suppose to be a trip that I have anticipated for a few years now. It just couldn't happen. My husband just wasn't up to traveling across country. This entire year has been altered because of one person who made a choice to place others in harms way when she decided to drive irresponsibility.

There are times I look at my husband and wonder where he is. What's he thinking? This protective and loving husband of mine gets this lost look in his eyes. This strong man, this husband of mine who has always cared for me and everything in our lives just isn't the same. How does a wife share all that with her husband? You can't. I can't. He already feels terrible that he can't remember as he once did before the crash. Often he doesn't feel like doing much. Work takes just about everything out of him. 

He's a mail carrier. He loves his job. He's always traveled. Now he loves being at home. He's won safety driving awards. When he is on the road safety is his first priority. Not only his safety, but the safety of others. In his dangerous line of work he has witnessed many crashes, many deaths. He has seen drivers on fire in their trucks. So, imagine you have been in a crash, you're upside down and you feel gasoline pouring all over you. She crashed into him so powerfully that nothing underneath the truck was left. She crushed his gas tank. That fear hasn't left him. 

What does a wife do? She does all she can to see that the woman who caused this with one choice to drive irresponsibly is held accountable for her actions. A wife speaks to attorneys, prosecutors, officers, the court, she makes appointments as she finds specialists. She helps her husband in ways like never before. She's a prayer warrior. A fighter for justice.

A wife too lives with every emotion. This woman, is she sorry? Sorry for being caught? Sorry the public will find out? Sorry about her reputation? Is she sorry for her actions, choices, and now dragging a family through six more months as we wait for a jury trial to begin? Without action saying I'm sorry is just empty words. Being sorry for your actions means taking accountability for your choices. It isn't placing blame on others and it certainly isn't making excuses. It's standing up, saying, I did this. I am ready to accept the responsibility for my choices and how they left a family living a new and unexpected life. 

As I sat in court last month listening to her attorney question the police officers there to testify, he questioned whether or not she was even driving. Was her passenger Audrey driving? Maybe it was Mr. Prater's fault. Were his lights working? The officers testified that she was angry that she couldn't drive her car home. Her car was totaled!! She told them that my husband crashed into her?! How does that work when she crashed into him from behind? She wasn't in court this day to hear her attorney question the police officers. He tried to make them look incompetent, but the woman, the driver who is trying to get back her driver's license didn't even show up for court to be questioned about what happened and the truth of the crash. Her attorneys may tell her that's wise. but most people would see that as cowardly. If there is nothing to hide, if you did nothing wrong, why not be present in every court date, speaking on your own behalf?

At the time we took photos of the cars we wish now that we had taken a photo of her odometer. It broke at 76 miles per hour. We are told that new cars now have this ability that when they crash the odometer breaks at the speed they were driving at impact. As she topped the hill there was plenty of room. My husband was the only other car on the road. He in the right lane. She in the left. Why did she have to cross over? My husband would share with you that it was better him than a young mother on her way home from work or a youth on their way home after a shift at a local fast food joint. Better him than a young father rushing home to see his young children. But see, my husband has five children and five grandchildren. He's dad and Papa. He too has a wife who feels so blessed to be able to share a life of twenty-seven years with this faithful man who walks with such integrity. He is everything to me. He's the man who led me to Jesus. Who gave me my first born son. The man who every day tells me how beautiful I am. 

Yes, as a wife, when you live daily witnessing your husband struggle you grow angry. You feel broken and at times so lonely because the man you once shared everything with you can no longer share your greatest fears. You feel exhausted and you just want it to all end. There are times I just break down and the tears fall as I cry out to the Lord. I feel overwhelmed and at times cheated. You pray for the judges, the prosecutors, the defense attorneys, and yes, for Dawn and her passenger, Audrey. My greatest prayer is that God will bring good from what Satan deemed as evil. That God will make right all that is wrong. I pray that He moves on our behalf, but for every soul involved, every person who knows this case will come to know Christ as their Savior.

Tonight I pray that Dawn will plead guilty and hold herself accountable for her actions, being the example to her children and grandchildren, to the very people in her community. Being sorry isn't trying to manipulate the law in order to lessen your offense. Being sorry is being truthful about the accounts of the crash, before and after. Being sorry is humbling yourself and admitting you made poor choices and the choices you made invaded a family's life, maybe for a lifetime. 

We can argue if she was drinking or not. The officer in court testified that she admitted leaving her bar where she had been drinking. Let's say she wasn't drinking. Then why make such poor decisions after the crash? Nothing about that makes any sense. I've seen car crashes just as you have. The normal action of people, especially when they have caused a crash is to run to the victim. Being a nurse you would think that would be second nature.

Sure, people pay high-powered attorneys for their advice, but that doesn't mean their advice is what is best for us. That's the same for visiting a doctor. For every person charged with a crime it is for that person to look into their heart, deep down, and ponder their decisions. What's best is to do what's right. Truth has a way of prevailing. We don't do what's right to make us feel better. We simple do what's right because it's what's right. 

She could never place herself in our life this past year. She could imagine if it were her family, her husband, her child, her grandchild, but it wasn't. It was my husband. God's son, His child. He protected him that night and brought him home to me. He has been present in every moment of our lives. It won't always be this way. This too shall pass. God will make right all that is wrong. 

This is our journey. Our life. It is our greatest hope that those who witness us live this unwanted life see Jesus living through us. It's His strength on our weakest days. His grace that brings us to our knees with grateful hearts. We know things could have turned out much different. A thousand different scenarios, but that's Satan's game. We cannot allow that to mold a root inside our head. It is a daily battle to fight all we know is wrong in this upside down world. We must choose to see that God has a plan and in this moment we are a part of this plan. So, we hold tight to Him and see just where He leads. 

In the Middle of the Mess (Strength For This Beautiful, Broken Life) by Sheila Walsh

I first heard Sheila Walsh speak at Women of Faith. I loved her then in all those moments she spoke transparent love. I was blessed to see her many times, hearing her stories as she shared her love of Jesus. I too have been blessed to review most of her penned works, created to bring us closer to the Savior. Are you ready? This just may be my favorite. Just maybe it arrived in God's perfected time and it is just what He ordered. You gotta love a God who brings to us just what is needed for the journey forward. 

I would say to get yourself over to Amazon and pre-order this gem of a read. Reading this cover to cover I already have a friend in mind who I'll be sending it to. This is a book for every woman at every age. Sheila writes so transparent, so easy. I would even say that there isn't a man out there who shouldn't read it too. After all we are all a mess, right? 

Sheila shares about her own deep wounds. She shares personal. She's that girlfriend that goes deep. The encouraging friend we all need. The woman that inspires us because we see Jesus in her life, through the beauty and mess. Sheila shares life for her in the death of her father and later in life when her mum leaves this world for the other side of heaven. 

In 1992 Sheila was in a psychiatric hospital for two weeks. Her words hit home with me. "Sorrow was not to be shared; it was private. So I learned to cry alone." Let me share a few more words from Sheila that point blank bring truth to so many of us. 

"I have always needed a community around me-we all do-but it was the thing I was most afraid of. It's why I hid, even when surrounded by community. It's why I guarded that secret cellar. I wondered: What if I let you see the real me? What if I let you into my innermost thoughts and feelings and you too a long, hard look? Would you see scared, broken little girl? Would you see someone who didn't have it all together, who didn't know how to trust the Jesus she loved to preach? Would you turn and walk away? What would I do then? What would I do without my hiding place? You would think that within Christian community-specifically within the church-I could have confessed my shame, my panic, my fear. But I knew that sometimes our Christian community is the crucible where shame is born. Many of you also know this sad truth. Too often, sharing secrets and shame in the church begets more shame, which leads to more secret-keeping. That is tragic. We survive, cut off from the very help and healing we need." 

I could continue sharing. This book is powerful, redemptive, grace-filled. There isn't any hiding here, but a place where it's safe to be us. I found myself within these pages. There's healing to be found here too. I would love to wrap my arms around Sheila and say, thank you. Even through reading I can hear her accent which brings her to be so genuine in a time and place where fake resides, but not here in this book. 

I'll leave you with a few quotes that I found to be poignant.

"We all have struggles, though they look different-booze, anger, bitterness, pills, disconnection from our children or spouse, drugs, discontent with our career, conflict with our boss or neighbor, porn, homosexuality, depression, physical illness-it's all the stuff of present brokenness. And though we, the church, have little grace for certain struggles, that is why Jesus came. He came to save us for eternity, yes, but He also came to save us today."

"My child, do you believe that I love you?" That was the most important question of all, the one that's redefined me. It has never been about me getting it right. You either. We've got it all upside down. We see from the earth up, but God sees from heaven down. We see ourselves from the perspective of the mud we're sitting in, but God sees us through the blood of Christ that washes us clean, in the present, in the middle of our messes. And in His love, He wants to save us-in the present. He wants to give us strength for our broken, beautiful lives."  

Sheila reminds us that we are fully known and fully loved. She allows us to journey with her through some of the most difficult times in life, but what I love the most is she gives way for us to see that Jesus was there the whole time, past, present, and future. She not only shares the mess, but through it all she shares the Jesus, the Friend, pointing us straight to Him, never wavering side to side. This book is about her journey, but pulls back the curtain for us to see the glory of God at work in her life. Yes, the light is always on Him even when she is on stage. 

This is a book that blessed me and I cannot wait to gift it to a friend so they too can reap the in the blessings. 💙

This book was a gift from Thomas Nelson for sharing my review with you. 

Sheila Walsh is a powerful communicator, Bible teacher, and bestselling author with more than five million books sold. She is the author of the award-winning Gigi, God's Little Princess series, Peace for Today, Loved Back to Life, The Storm Inside, Five Minutes with Jesus and The Longing in Me. She is cohost of Life Today with James and Betty Robison. Sheila lives in Dallas, Texas, with her husband, Barry, and son, Christian.