What do you do when you wake up to clouds? The sun is shining brightly. Birds are chirping poetically. The leaves are spinning a new bloom. Everything is basking in, "It's a glorious day", but in your heart the blinds are closed. You wanna shoot every bird whistling a tune to the new dawn. You feel as though your ready to burst in tears. What's wrong?
You venture outdoors, get into your car, and take a drive. This in hopes that you will smile. It doesn't work. You gather your purse and head into the store for milk. On your way in you pass the Walmart Greeter and you just want to slap that howdy do smile right off their face. You are just waiting for someone to step in your way so you can let loose. Oh, it would feel so good just to yell and expel all that hot air.
Nothing seems to make sense. It's Saturday after all. Shouldn't you be out and about with laughter in your heart and happy word to share? You look at all the people with their carts full and you wonder why you feel so empty. Your heart is breaking in side and life still goes on. Doesn't anyone know? Can't they notice you need a hug? No matter how much you fight it, you just want someone to reach out and grab you and say, "I know, honey. I know it hurts." But no one does. It's like everyone is just concerned with their own little world and you seem to be outside of it right now.
Have you had one of these Hindenburg kind of days? You can't put your finger on the reason you feel so mad, but non the less the anger is still there, reaping and sowing, bursting in side.
You grab your milk and head for home. Your so glad to be out of that store filled with people you that disgust you right at the moment. After all, your heading home to your family, your home, your pet who will greet you at the door with a smile and shake. Ugh..there's that smile again. Why is everyone smiling when all I want to do is scream?
Can I just say, I have had that Hindenburg kind of day. Yep, this girl who writes daily about encouragement, has those days where I just want to scream. Let's get real. Are you ready?
You wake knowing it's Sunday and the last thing you want to do is step into a church filled with fake, happy people. We all pass by one another with a smile and how ya do, and we paste on that look of joy as we say, "Oh, I'm doing wonderful, how about yourself?" We ask, but we really don't want to hear the fake answer we are about to receive. Because, see while you were out getting milk, you saw this family in the other aisle. You know their truths and the pain in their eyes when they don't have to put on a fake face and stand as though their family is absolutely perfect in every way. You wonder, "Why do we do it? Why can't we just be honest?"
It all seems as though it's a scam really. I can totally see how the outside world thinks Christians are just like a vase of fake flowers. Sure, their bright and bloomed, but they are growing. They aren't going anywhere. They don't even put off a fragrance.
I have sat in my car and screamed as loud as my voice will carry. I turn up the music and just get lost. Life can be hard. It is hard, so where is all that encouragement that is suppose to be surrounding us? Where is the love if your name isn't so and so and you don't fit in the circle any longer? Do those people around you even notice if your there? Sometimes I wonder if we can really see beyond that mask we wear. We don't want to feel our own pain, why do want to take the burden of another person's deep underling pain?
In all honesty, it took me a while to realize I could simply be myself and be real to everyone around me. I learned after a long time of trying to fake it, that when I'm real, other people around me can be real. I learned that when I share my life isn't perfect, others can then know, "Hey, I'm not the only one." Isn't that how we feel? We can even become jealous of those around us. Sure, we don't call it jealousy. We come up with other names for it, like admiring and inspiring. But when we can name it and claim it, life becomes different.
It's okay to scream. Yep, you heard me. Scream at the top of your lungs and get it all out. If that anger isn't removed, there is no room for joy. It's okay to ask, "Why is my life this way?", and "When is it going to get better? Get this, Satan is trying his best to sabotage everything in you and around you. He can only do so if we allow him in to our lives. Shut the door, folks. Don't even let him take hold of your thoughts.
The problem is, we try to do it alone. We wait for someone to come and rescue us and notice the pain we feel. But see the thing is, some of those people we care about have been asking how we are for years and we keep saying, "I'm okay". What do expect? We continue to wait for our husband to be perfect in every way. We wait for our children to make choices of perfection. We wait for our church to fill our every need. We even want perfect neighbors. Perfect hair. We want our house to be spotless and we want to shop every day. Listen friends, we are not going to find perfection outside of God.
This is what I have learned. I can't look to others to solve my problems and fix my life. I have to give myself room to make mistakes. I have to surrender ALL over to God and TRUST Him in every way. I can't just give Him some things and trust Him with a little. It's one of those all or nothing things.
Those people got on board the Hindenburg not knowing what was about to happen. They got aboard and then it burst into flames. Do you feel like your life is in flames today? Each and every day is a choice for us. We have the choice to let go or to hold on tight. The longer we hold on for control the higher our chances are of watching everything go up in flames. It's when we let go and trust God that flight happens.
It is a life time lesson of walking with God and trusting Him. It's a daily battle to let go and not hang on. In prayer I can find my way through the day. I can lift up each and every person I am trying so hard to hang on to and hand over the control strings to God. Prayer is powerful. Life doesn't always turn out how we plan, but we when give up control and trust God, we see His plan begin to take shape.
See, only God knows what the next minute has in store for us. If I'm so fixed on those minutes that have passed or am trying to transport myself to tomorrow, I am going to totally miss out on today and all God has for me.
Life is hard. We know this. We have bad days, but we also have good days. We have to learn a balance of what we have control over and what God has control over. I cannot control those around me. I can however control myself, my thoughts and my actions.
Surrender has a sweetness about it. Really coming to terms with knowing God wants the best for me, gives me room to breathe. Whatever today brings I can trust that God is going to handle it all and that what I have control over, He is going to give me the strength and power I need to face it and face it with grace.
When those Hindenburg days hit you out of nowhere, don't despair. Don't think it's the end and you have no choice in the matter. You don't have to be fake. Make the choice to be real and just trust that God is going to care for the rest. When we rest in Him, the tests of life will not destroy us, but bring us closer to Him.
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance developes strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love."
Romans 5:3-5
