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Women, Drama, and Friendships

Know any women who would rather be surrounded by a group of men than a group of women?  Like you I can understand why they feel this way. I think we are are honest we have all felt this way. Women can be downright mean. We don't always make it easy, do we? 

Men can gather for a fishing trip, a trip of any kind and laugh uncontrollably. They have a great time. It doesn't matter who doesn't really get who or who doesn't really know the other. If a man doesn't know another man, they just jump in there and say, "Hey, how ya doin'? I'm Kenny." You never hear men say, "Oh my gosh! I am not sitting by John!" Men do not get so angry over a misunderstanding. Men, however, if they do have a problem, they go straight to the source. Women? Well now, that's a whole other story.

Women like to pretend they forget things, but we don't. It's like we have a memory the size of an elephant. We keep score. We get mad and believe it or not, remain mad, until that other person comes to us begging for forgiveness. We take misunderstandings to a whole new level! We get mad and rather than talk about it and be honest, well, we just walk away from the whole friendship.

Men can be in a whole group and you never hear a man say, "Hey, I want to sit by Joe. I didn't get to sit by him at dinner." Are you kidding me? Women live in cliques! It's like part of our DNA. We find out information and immediately we are in action. We don't sit on anything we hear. We are off to start a prayer chain. Yep, you know those prayer chains, right? We say, "Well, you know Susan? She needs us to pray for her." Now, it would be okay if we stopped there, but we don't. We add our own two cents in, if it's worth that much. We don't just pass on prayer, we need to gather the whole truth and nothing but the truth before we begin to pray. Ever feel like everyone around you knows more about you than you know about yourself?

Are we just born jealous of other women? Oh my, she's skinnier than me. She's friends with everyone. She has everything I've ever wanted. Her home is so pretty. She just got a new car. She's so put together. She makes more money than me. She stays at home with her kids. What does she know about hard work? The list can go on forever.

We love to point fingers at other women, trying to figure it all out as to why they are different from us. We look at other women with such envy. We see all the perfect things about them. We have a hard time looking in the mirror and seeing our own beauty. We too can point out every fault in other women while we rarely accept our own faults.

Women should be able to gather as a group and pray. We should be able to love one another even if we, "Don't see eye to eye", and we too should be able to overlook those quirky things about each other that make us so different from others. Women should be able to just be themselves and enjoy the very people that are around them. We get so caught in the fact that our friend had lunch with another friend and didn't invite us! Seriously, what example are we giving to our daughters?

Do you know what most women think when they see a group of women standing together? They are wondering why they are not part of that group. They are asking themselves, "Why don't they talk to me? Is there something wrong with me?" This is where women get the idea that some turn their noses up at them. We can simply be walking and our mind is filled with all that is going on in our lives, not paying attention to anything, but what our child is going through or what we must prepare for dinner. Then there before us is another woman, by the way we don't notice, because we simply aren't thinking, and before you know it, it's around that you are a snob and you don't even speak to people in your path!

Do you think the disciples acted like that around Jesus? Do you think they were petty and jealous about who got to sit where and who got to spend time with Him over dinner? I think most women are so insecure about themselves, they are always questioning why someone doesn't like them or why someone isn't speaking to them. You would think women would be totally in support of one another. You would think we would encourage those women around us, but we are so caught up in what we need ourselves, it's hard to give that much to others.

Sure, we give support and encouragement to those in our inner circle, but what about those other women? You know them. They keep quiet. They are standoffish. They are not really trusting. All they want is to be accepted for who they are. Not what they have or what they can give, cause lets face it, there are all kinds of ways to use a person and many feel that if they cannot offer something, well, they just won't be accepted into the group.

What if we stopped looking at one another as enemies and gathered together as the sisters in Christ that we are? What if we reached out and were simply honest with one another? Think of the possibilities if we just walked as Christ calls us to. With women, we make one wrong move and it's, "Your out!" We don't even do the three strikes and your out thing. Why give a woman more than one chance? We need to make ourselves inviting. We need to remain honest and stop pretending our life is perfect and everyone else is messed up. If women see us walk in our struggles. I mean everything we struggle with, do you all realize how many women would open up and share? It would allow women to know they aren't alone. We keep our faults and temptations in a hush, but we are wide open to bringing those of others to the table.

Ladies, we gotta change our attitudes. First, we must begin with our own hearts. We must stop looking to others and they must be perfect and give them room to make mistakes. We too must stop judging other women for things we have no clue about. And the biggest thing, how about we just stop being fake. We need to stop judging one another on motherhood, being a wife and raising children. Just maybe our own kitchen floor needs a good sweeping before we attempt to sweep an other's floor.

No one said we have to like everyone around us. In fact, there are going to be people you just don't click with. That's okay! Really it is, but lets show love. You never know, reaching out to that woman you think you have nothing in common with, well, she just might bless you in ways you never expected.

It too is okay to have that inner circle of friends that you are so very close to. Jesus had His inner circle of the twelve. Nothing at all wrong with that, unless you aren't allowing others to join you or if you are making others feel like they are outsiders.

We must remember, it's not always about us. In fact, it isn't about us at all. It's about Christ. We can be His vessels. Is there more of a humbling gift than to be used by God? Lets open our hearts. Lets make room for those ladies around us. Reach out and make some new friends. Lord knows, we can all use a friend and there is always someone looking for a friend.

Friendship is a powerful thing if used right. If we disregard compassion, forgiveness and love, well then, that friendship is doomed to end. We gotta stop expecting from others what we ourselves are not willing to give.

The only reason we feel threatened by another woman is because of our own insecurities. There are friends I miss dearly. There too are friends who have hurt me by just walking away and never giving our friendship a second thought. It leaves you guessing, "What did I do?" Sometimes it's like high school all over again and ladies, lets be honest. We all tire of the whole thing, so why not change it? We can begin the change.

There is that wise quote that a woman should be so close to Christ that her husband should have to seek God first to find her. The same can be said about friendships. If we concentrate on our walk with Christ, well, God has a way of taking care of the rest.

Lets not be so quick to judge, to gossip and to leave a friendship high and dry. After all, Jesus is the greatest example of a Friend that we have, so lets follow in His steps and leave all the rest behind.

“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”
Proverbs 27:9

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
~ Walter Winchell ~


Comments

Rebecca Bany said…
This post is wonderful and so true. I love it.
www.rebeccabany.com

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