Friday, April 15, 2011

Do you hear that drip?

"A foolish son is the ruin of his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping." Proverbs 19:13

"Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Proverbs 21:9

"Better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman." Proverbs 21:19

"It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Proverbs 26:24

Wow, know anyone like the women these scriptures are speaking of? Hello? I think I could very well be in the mix of these women pushing my husband in the corner or down right out the door. Yikes! Ladies, we do this without thinking. We have our busy days. We are exhausted. Stress is at it's highest and what do we do? We hit our husbands with everything as soon as they walk through the door. What are they to do? No wonder so many want to just turn around and go back to work.

I have heard men say before, "I would rather spend my time at work than come home and listen to my wife complain." How sad for a man to feel this way. Now, we are not talking about us right now. Let's focus on them for once, shall we? Ladies, every time a wife nags her husband she is saying, she is more important. Her criticisms and blames only say, "I don't trust you." When our husbands feel respected, they lead. When they feel love, they move heaven and earth for you. May we show the same deep love we receive from our Father and trust God in all those situations. Not driving us to nag, but to simply go to our knees.

As a stay home mom for twenty years now, I have had days where I just wanted to scream. Is that to say my husband hasn't? We say, "I want him to help me more. I want him to do more. I want...I want...." Do we ever wonder how our husbands feel? They are gone at work daily. Why? To provide for the family they love. I cannot imagine all my husband has been through or seen as he has traveled across the United States. One thing I know for sure. He missed out on a lot. He missed things he wished he could have been here for. While he was working daily, I was here seeing the blessings of our children unfold before my eyes. Of course, I could share with him, but it simply isn't the same.

So many times when we are stressed and mad as all get out who do we blame? The one who isn't there. We blame the one we love. The one closest to us. Why? Many times our husbands are an easy target. We make them lists. We charge with our to-do's without thought about what they might want to add. What happens? Well, after working all week, the weekend comes and we are ready for them to mow the yard, fix the faucet, paint the house and watch the kids. You think maybe they are just as tired as we are? It is so easy for us to say, "Gosh, I wish you would do more." Do we ever think they might be thinking the same thing? We complain about all the help we need and are not getting, but do we ever put ourselves in their position? Really, a dripping faucet? How irritating is that sound? We try to rest and that drip drives us crazy. I hate to think I have ever been that irritating drip to my husband.

I know it was always harder for my husband to express himself. He had so many emotions going on and while he was trying his best to care for his family, he was holding all that inside so I didn't see it. After twenty years of marriage we have learned to communicate. We have learned we speak a different language. I am blessed to say our marriage is better than ever, but it took us some big ups and downs to get there. I am sure as we continue to grow we will still have those enter our lives, but now we are better able to understand the other.

We can be so selfish. We can think it is simply all about us. We tend to see all we do and we want to make sure our husband knows all we have done. I know for a fact as my husband has traveled, he has only shared with me bits and pieces. I am not sure I could handle all he has witnessed.

My husband will tell you I am not a nagger. I never have been. I suppose that is one of my pet peeves. I hate seeing men degraded by their wives in front of others. If it happens in front of others we can only imagine what happens when no one is looking. I see women take the lead and simply tell their husbands how it is going to be. Sadly, these ladies are missing out on something wonderful. They are missing out on having a husband take the lead. They are missing out on watching the growth of a husband God is still molding. I too dislike our comedy shows today that share just how dumb husbands are while their wives are well, standing over them like they were children.

It's easy to do when they are at work all day. It's easy to get set in our ways with our children. Before we know it we are leaving our husbands out more and more. I think they too can feel a jealousy. Of course they know our children need their momma, but maybe, just maybe we could entrust our husbands with more. Instead of taking away and making them feel less, why not give them more and make them feel needed? Wanted?

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." 1 Peter 3:1-2

"Submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:21-24

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs anger." Proverbs 15:1

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12

"Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her." Proverbs 31:28

Now, I have not been that nagging wife, but I have indeed been that wife wanting to make sure my husband knew all that I did throughout the day. If the kitchen was a mess I wanted to make sure he knew how hard I worked on other projects and how much I cared for the kids. But see, he already knew that. Even though he wasn't here, he knew how hard I worked and missed out on being part of it. So, instead of making them feel as though they miss out, why not make them feel included? Give them bath night, give them the time of reading a book to the little ones. Give them room to share instead of us being ready fully loaded to bare all.

Marriage is a gift to be shared between two people who love one another. It is not all about the needs of just one, but both, coming together and finding a way in love to make each day fulfilled in joy. Our home can be filled with love, laughter and joy. We just have to work hard at giving ourselves and loving others just as Christ loves us. No regrets, only blessings. It can happen. We can be the women of God we are called to be. We can still be strong women, but may we allow our husbands to be strong and to be the men they too are called to be.

"And now abide, faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13


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