Thursday, January 28, 2010

could we take the fast lane?

I have been finding myself thinking, "Lord, could we please hurry up these lessons I need to learn". This past year and a half has been so hard, and today is one of those hard days I find myself asking question after question to God and what is that I hear? I continue to hear Him telling me to be still. Do you know how hard it is to be still when all you want to do is move forward? I feel as though we are in this pit and we continue to dig our way out(with our shovels), but the hole is too deep. But within this deep pit, I can look up and see the light. I am learning that with Christ there is no "Hurrying". Each step is for a purpose to make our life complete in His glory. I am learning that in my faith, I must keep looking to Him and not the situations around me. I can honestly say that with my husband not working it is beginning to take a toll. The stress is so strong at times I just want to go to sleep and wake up when its all better. But that is not how God is moving, and if I were to sleep through it all, would I really learn everything He is showing me? If I were to just sleep through the trials I would miss out on so many blessings in the hardest of times. I am finding that with each new trial that comes He gives me His grace. I am so undeserving of His grace, yet He gives it because He simply loves me. I have His grace and still yet, I want more. He is providing for us, He is meeting our dire needs, but I find myself wanting more. I find my flesh calling out and crying for more like a spoiled child. When I look around and see the hurting people, those who are at a loss in many different ways, my heart aches for them. I know I am blessed beyond words, so why is my flesh so strong, why do I continue to be in want? I want things to be perfect, I want things to be within my reach, and no struggle to get them. What kind of life would that really be? I have always taught my children that anything in life worth having takes hard work, so why am wanting it easy now? Jesus did not have it easy, so why should I expect anymore than my Savior had here on this earth? My emotions are a train wreck right now. I can go from smiling and seeing God's blessings, to crying and asking why? So what does it all come down to really? My insecurities! I have learned through reading Beth Moore's book "So long Insecurity", that I cannot find my security in the "Things or comforts" of this world. My only security comes from God and Him alone. I cannot live by the things or comforts I desire. They are not lasting, but God is. I feel like a young child who wants to be 13, then comes 16, then comes 18, then 21, and with each age, once we get there, it still isn't enough, what we thought was going to be great isn't what we expected. But it is those very things unexpected that bring the most joy! It is those blessings that God brings in the smallest of packages that fill us and remind us just who He is. I know He has created all and nothing touches me that hasn't first touched Him. I am so glad He is in control of my life and not me. If I was in control my life would be a wreck, one giant car crash. I am learning to let go, and with each thing I let go of, with open hands, He can bless me. It is when I try to keep my hands closed and hang on to all that I choke out all He is trying to do in my life. So even though my flesh is wanting Him to hurry this ride up, cause this girl wants off, I know this is a ride I have to take to get me to where He wants me to be. I am constantly at war with my flesh and my faith. But with the grace of God He is bringing me through. I am not going to stay in this pit, it is not going to cover me, for I am already covered by God's grace and love. Nothing can touch my security in God, and nothing in this world can take it away. When this trial passes I know without a doubt another will come, but with each struggle I am becoming stronger in Christ. I am learning not to over react, but to simply trust Him through it all. On this ride we might go off road, we might hit a few big bumps, we might even go on one of those curvy roads that make you feel like your going to barf, but I know I am in good hands because God is at the wheel of my ride, and in the end, I know its this very ride thats gonna take me home!

My friend if you too are finding yourself in a place you are wanting to hurry and get out of, don't hurry God. Take your time, be still and know that through it all He is there. Tomorrow is a new day, and the light is always shining when we are looking up!


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