Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I learned how to spell this word when I was very young. My mom was a big Tammy Wynette fan, she sang this song all time, other than singing Loretta Lynn songs in the kitchen. I am not a child of divorce, but I know the pain of divorce, for I was in that situation when I was only 20. My marriage only lasted for about six months. The worst mistake of my life, one that I will carry with me my whole life. I'm not talking of the divorce but the marriage. Every little girl dreams of getting married, wearing a gown, having a party, going through all the motions, thinking life will be perfect. My mistake was that I got involved with the wrong man, one that I should not have been involved with that hurt me very much. We all learn from our mistakes, and some of those are so hard, not just on us, but those around us, those who love us. As I know the pain of divorce, I now see my children going through the same. It is heartbreaking to watch your children face such pain. We see it everywhere now. If we are not a child of divorce, we know someone who is. I have watched my husband go through so much with his two children from his first marriage. I too have my daughters who are from another relationship. To have your children go through so much, watching them as you are fighting with the other, as you do not agree with the other, as holidays come and you are trying to make everything work for everyone. Your children hear stories about their daddy, or their mommy, their ears are always listening, and the words they hear hurt them so badly. I am not sure if a child really ever recovers from a divorce, I think somewhere that pain follows them. Being a step parent, I have seen the pain from both sides. When divorce happens, we must put our children first, their feelings, their lives, and their safety. The safety of knowing their daddy is always there, or their momma is close by always. Divorce is so ugly. Today, we have plans in place just incase marriage fails and divorce comes. We have contracts we sign, and somehow the words,"Well, just in case this doesn't work out." Are those words to begin a marriage with? How can a marriage stand beginning with those words or beginning with lies? It cannot, but one thing we must remember, marriage is sacred, its pure, its a sacrifice and it is the hardest job outside of being a parent. Our marriage should be the focus, and when it is, our children find peace, they find safety, and they build their relationships on what they know. It is God's plan for one woman, and one man to be married, to be entwined in God's love, having Him the center of their lives, and building on His love. When we become married we become one. That old life we had is gone, its time to grow up, its time to stop being selfish, and its time to share all we have. Today, it is so easy to divorce, its just a natural thing, if Hollywood can glamorize it, then we all want to do it, why not? If I get bored, if I become unhappy, if I want a change, if I want something new, if I am having a hard time "Finding myself", if I want to do other things, do you hear all those "I's" in there? Marriage isn't "I", it is "We". It is just so easy to give up today, so easy to walk out, so easy to just pack a bag and say,"See ya", not realizing the damage we are doing not just to us, but to each other. Decisions are made without thinking about the consequences, decisions are made without the wisdom of counciling, without prayer, without honesty. Marriages are taking place while people are too young, while people are not mature, and for something to just make us feel better. The only reason to marry someone is love, wanting to spend the rest of your life with that one person who God has chosen for you. I made that mistake, I wish I could go back, I wish I could have been with my husband now, and He would have been my first love, but God has brought us together after failed marriages, He has blessed us now for almost 19 years. God does not like divorce, He is against divorce, but He also forgives, He guides us at moving on, maturing, at making Him our focus and blessing us. I know the Lord brought my husband into my life, it wasn't by chance, or by some fate, those things are not real, it was by His love. Our marriage has not always been an easy one, those bad days have come, at some points early on it was rough, but God brought us through and made us stronger, He matured both of us, as we are still growing today. I am blessed beyond words to have my husband. I am so thankful for him, his love and his sacrifices he makes for our family. He just as I make mistakes, say the wrong things, but there is forgiveness, there is grace, that same grace God gives us so freely, we should have that same forgiveness and grace that God has for us. More thought should go into marriage, it should be the man or woman God has chosen for you, and it should be the right time. We should never go into marriage for the sake of not being lonely, or to share with someone to make us feel better, or just to go through the motions of a beautiful wedding, showered with gifts only to have it fall apart a year later. When I married my first time, I now realize I was just escaping the pain of my dad's cancer, I was escaping all the scary feelings I did not understand. I was swept off my feet with roses, with fancy dinners, with flowery words that in the end only carried an emptiness. There was not love there to begin with, it was me wanting to feel safe, me wanting to ignore my surroundings. Life is hard enough, and when we choose to take on marriage, it becomes harder in the sence that we have to work hard at it, we can't just give up, we can't just walk away from the vows we spoke before God. We need to fight for the love we began with, we need to step back and breath, be honest, be willing to go the extra mile for that one you exchanged rings with. That ring symbolizes a circle of love,a never ending love. What made you fall in love with that person to begin with? Divorce is something selfish. To avoid divorce, we need to place a higher standard, a higher meaning upon marriage. We cannot seek a man just to bring us happiness and complete us, only God completes us, and that man or woman cannot bring you all you desire. We have so many material things we hold more dear to us than the vows we chose to say. I am a living example of how not to begin your young life, but God redeemed my life with someone special who will be with me to the end. When we marry our lives change, there is no more me, but now you are together as partners. When we chose to do it right, when we chose to make God the god of our lives, and listen to His wisdom and knowledge, He will never lead us to the wrong one. Its when we go off on our own, making our own way, thinking of just me, thats when our choices have consequences to follow. There are those times of seperation when there is abuse, when you are in danger, but I am not speaking of those horrible circumstances, I am speaking of selfish ambition, I am speaking of letting go of our childish ways, and coming forward with everything we have to fight for what is good and right. This world doesn't even teach of marriage anymore, its a great thing to just live together first, and if you marry and your not satisfied, then you just get those papers out and send them off for that quicky divorce. We all make mistakes in our lives, we all learn from the choices we have made, but wouldn't it be so much better if we just followed Christ? If we just waited on Him to show us the right young man, to lead us in the path of His choosing? If you have been through the pain of divorce you know what I am speaking of, divorce seems to touch us all in some way or another. If you are thinking of marriage, go to Christ and ask Him for His wisdom and be ready to listen, if He is telling you that young woman is not the one, you have the strength to walk away before you too are facing those words of divorce. If you are married and you are thinking of divorce, take the time to receive counciling, take the same time you did to prepare for your marriage before you decide to walk away. The most important things in this world are worth fighting for, don't take the easy way out and regret for the rest of your life, but allow God to heal your pain and bring joy back into your relationship. 1 Corinthians 7:3 "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."