Thursday, October 15, 2009

on my knees

When I am on my knees is where I feel the strength of Christ. I feel Him close to me, moving in me and if I am quiet, if I listen, He will teach me and show me many things. Often I am not quiet, and I am not still, I am moving all about trying to get things done, and keep going through the motions of everyday. I am learning that you cannot just go through the motions, you cannot just have your bible on the table, you must open it, you must read each word and meditate on it, letting it soak in your heart, mind and body. Just as all the members of church are important and there is not one who is more important than the other, our walk with Christ is the same. We must not just go through the motions, but live it, breath it, and share it. We can take our eyes off Christ and get lost on our walk so easily, that is why we must daily go to Him, with a humble heart and a heart that is willing to listen. We can't just go to Him with our every whim, we can't pray in our wants, but we must learn to pray in His will. We have to learn to let our will go, and let His will move through us. Although I do have those days where I think I know what the answer is, He shows me that His answer is best, it might not be the easy one for me, but for His will to be done in my life I must listen, I must obey Him. When I am running on empty, when I feel lonely and all is lost, I can find Jesus on my knees waiting for me, willing me to come to Him, to hear all He has to say to me. When I get tired of running, when I am tired of waiting, when I am feeling ashamed, when I know I have messed up and have not shown myself to be living in Christ, I can find redemption on my knees, I can find love there, I can find peace and I can be whole in a God who knew me before I was conceived, He knew me when I was a child, when I was in my teenage years finding my way, and when I became an adult, He knows I have spent years searching for Him, searching for love and forgiveness, and although I know my judgement will come one day for all I have said, for all I have done, for all the sins that have come from my body I can find freedom from death on my knees crying out to Christ to touch me with His grace and mercy that I am so undeserving of, but He is giving, He is loving and His blood covered my sins, each and every one that brought shame upon Him. When God turned His eyes away from His Son, it wasn't because of something He did, but of the sin that I have brought out of selfishness, out of greed, out of just thinking of me, thinking in the moment, but the amazing thing is that when I ask Him for forgiveness, He has thrown my sins away to remember no more. He isn't keeping score, He isn't waiting for me to try to work my way to His heart, that can not be done, for I didn't choose Him, but He chose me. "He chose me" is "I love you" from Jesus. Whether you were the last to be chosen for the team, for the play, and you were always wishing someone would pick you, wait no more, Jesus makes up for all those times you weren't picked, He picks you, He loves you, and He wants to live in your heart, so that one day, we don't have to die and be apart from Him, in death, it is a beginning, a new beginning to be with Him and to be with those who have gone before us and will come after us. Heaven is a place I cannot begin to fathom to understand. To know that He is preparing a place for us, should open our eyes and let us see clearly just how much He loves us. When I am on my knees I don't fall asleep in my prayer, I come to Him, close eyes, and feel so loved. Its when I am on my knees that I can break down, that I can let the tears fall, that I can trust Him and let go of all. It is the place where in the darkest night He finds me, wipes my tears from my cheeks, and lets me know to be still, to trust in Him, and come to see that He is my Father, my Savior, and my best friend. Its when I am on my knees that all is right in the world, that I know all will be okay, for its God's strength that allows me to stand, to walk with a heart that so much wants to follow all He has for me. I know those days that I spend time on my knees are more meaningful than those that I try to stand on my own. May we as a people, as God's people, as a nation hungry for healing find ourselves upon our knees, seeking Him, for with Him all is possible. Phillipians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, rejoice!" Phillipians 4:10-13 "I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." On our knees we can be content, on our knees we can rejoice in the Lord for all He has done, for all He is doing and for all He will do.
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