Tuesday, October 27, 2009
daughters and girlfriends
I have asked myself many times,"Am I to be a parent to my children or a friend?" For me being a parent is the answer, being a friend is not my job, but you can find a middle ground. Its when we become their friend, that misunderstandings begin to come. You can't always be the cool mom, you know what is best for your children, and when our children see us as a friend instead of mom, it becomes harder for them to accept our word, to accept our advice and to respect us as moms. When we try too hard to become their friend we are stepping on dangerous ground. A bond is there between a mother and a daughter, a bond is no matter what comes, it just can't be broken. I learned being my daughter's friend is not what they needed, they need a mom to stand up, to share with them the truth, to teach them the word of God, and to be their example. Which brings forth another question. How do you feel about your girlfriends or others giving your children advice or encouraging them along? Is it always the best advice? Is it the right encouragement they need to hear? We can also find ourselves in trouble when we overstep our bounds in other children's lives. Yes, we should love them, we should encourage them in the Lord, but when we know they are doing wrong, should we just smile and say great job, or should we be encouraging them toward the love of God? Those are hard questions, and many times its best to be the friend of your girlfriend instead of being friends with her children. Why, I know this from experience. I once invited a young woman to stay with us in our home while she was having trouble at home with her mom, for me, I thought I could help, I thought I was doing what was right. I encouraged this young woman to go home, to work things out with her mom, and shared with her just how much her mom loved her and was hurting too. My advice didnt help, she ended up leaving our home and never returned home to her mother. This broke my heart, but I learned it was not my place to step in. For me, I took what this young woman said for the truth, until one day I was sitting face to face with her mother, with tears coming from both of us, I sat before her appologizing. I should have just been my friends friend and went to her, giving her support through their trial. This mom was hurting so badly, and it wasn't too long after that that I too was sitting in her same position. We often think we are doing a great service by being friends with our girlfriends daughters or sons, but too often it brings hurt, to often we overstep our bounds as friends. I had learned a great lesson from my experience. As moms we naturally want to help out and think we are, but too may times we are not, we are just encouraging more of the problem. The cool mom or friend might work for awhile, but it is doing more harm than good. The Lord showed me so much, and brought me to my knees praying for my friend and her daughter, just as I know she too prayed for me and mine. We need to find a middle ground, and remember we too have daughters and sons, and would we want others stepping in encouraging and giving advice. May the Lord bless you today if you are a mother, a father, or a friend, and may He show you just what your children need and give you the strength to be the greatest mom, dad, or friend in Christ Jesus~ I would love to know your thoughts on this subject and if you too have ever been in this position.