Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Dance with my Dad

I was daddys little girl growing up. I grew to look just like him,with his hair,and eyes that change from blue to green,depending on how I feel. He was an amazing man, who gave me safety, gave his love,and taught me many things,especially in his last days. As a child, we would play, and he would give his time even after a hard days work.My dad worked in a factory,and was a foreman,that he was proud of. When I was young my daddy taught me how to dance to country music. His favorite singer was Loretta Lynn. I remember standing on his toes and him leading me in a dance. He taught me how to fish, he loved spending time on the lake,river,or pond fishing.After he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, he never kept another fish again. He would catch the biggest fish I have ever seen, and let all of them go. He taught me how to respect my mom, he showed her affection in front of me,and I knew how much he loved her. As I grew into a teenager, I was not the greatest kid. I gave my mom and dad so much trouble,not realizing at the time the consequences on them. My actions not only hurt me, but hurt them very much. As I got older, when my dad was diagnosed, we didn't dance anymore. He changed as a person, and closed up inside in many ways. Sometimes I believe that was to protect me. He felt that if he kept me at a distance, it wouldn't hurt so badly. Oh, how wrong he was. I remember my mother staying at the hospital, never leaving for 3 weeks until his death. She never even left his room. The day she left, was the day my dad died. I was at home, laying in the sun, waiting to go see him, I had to work that afternoon,so I was planning to go to the hospital on my way to work. I had called to check on my dad, and my mom said he was doing great. See, he was to come home the next day,and hospice was going to come in. As I remember, the sun was so beautiful, the heat was very hot in April already. My Uncle Bill pulled up with my nephews, as I saw them, I felt happy, for I knew he was going to take out my parents bed, for the hospital bed coming. As he came to me, I sat up, and he looked into my eyes and told me, my daddy had passed away. It felt as though time stood still, I couldn't even move, and I had to have him repeat it again, and again. He asked me to get ready to go to the hospital. I went inside the house, and didn't even know what to do, I called my boyfriend at the time, and broke down before words could even come out.He knew,just me crying gave it away. He met us at the hospital. It seemed like my uncle drove so slowly, but what was my hurry,what did I expect? I expected to see my daddy, ready to come home. I still could not face the harsh fact that he was gone. My family said it would be best if I went in and spent some time alone with my dad. I thought this to be absurd,but as I opened the door,there was my daddy, so quiet, so peaceful,not in anymore pain, not gasping for breath.He was no longer here. How was a daddys girl to make it in this world without her daddy? I sat by him, told him thank you, I was sorry for all my wrongs, and I would miss him so much. As I left, I winked and gave him a thumbs up, and said good job daddy, you were the best. The days following were so hard. I couldn't cry, I had to be strong for my mom. I was only 19, and without my daddy. My mom was hurting so bad, and I didn't know how to help her. See at this time in my life I was not a christian. I knew there was a God, but didn't have a relationship with Christ. The pain was almost unbarable for me. At times I really didn't think I could or would make it, but I did. As I became a christian I began to get glimpes of my past where Jesus had been. He was there with me the whole time, He carried me through that time in my life.I didn't know Him, but He knew me. Later, I found out that my daddy was saved the day before he died. He accepted Christ as his Savior. Everyone is born to die once on this earth, but I have the comfort in knowing I will again dance with my daddy in Heaven. With both of my fathers. My Heavenly Father, and my earthly father that I was so blessed to have. Some say they would rather not love at all, and not have to go through pain. I wouldn't have missed the dance I had with my daddy for anything, even though it was only for a short time.


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