As many of you know, my friend, Bobbie, lost her son, Donnie, to the actions of a drunk driver and his four friends, who were racing after getting off of work.(You can read, My Letter To My Friend, Bobbie.)
Nothing is the same. Life has changed forever. My friend is broken. Her heart has been ripped from her chest. She feels an emptiness she never knew could exist. She now needs God as never before. But how does she even begin? She wants to move forward, but her heart doesn't want to leave behind yesterday. A mixture of emotions that doesn't add up. This kind of pain cannot be measured. There is no scale of 1-10. This is something off the charts. An injustice that no mother should have to face. She is overtaken by an immensity of affliction.
She can't breathe. Her mornings have changed. It's as though 7:00am no longer chimes a sweet melody but now a turbulent siren blasts and her heart skips a beat. Everything slows down. Time isn't passing, but standing still. She is motionless. She wants to go back to the normal. She wants to kiss her son again. She wants to hear his laugh. Touch his face. Just one more day. One more moment. But would that be enough?
Nights are no longer calm, but are now overtaken as nightmares quicken the beat of her heart. She rises as screams can be heard. They aren't coming from someone else. These screams now belong to her. She doesn't want to claim them. She wants them gone and wants her son back.
These are her shared words today:
"My heart is crushed...I cant have my baby back...everything hurts...looking at his beautiful face hurts...then I feel I have betrayed him. Hes touched everything in this house, but I cant hold him...I cant see him...why cant heaven be enough...why....I know my baby boy is in the presents of the King of kings....and if I can only keep my mind on heaven for those brief moments....grasping tight before they fade ..then they are replaced with.....'he was such a wonderful young man....he was going to be an excellent dad...his witty humor...his hugs. ..Our long talks...star gazing....its gone....why cant I just let heaven be enough."
My heart aches for my friend. As a mother I can only imagine the burning fire in her chest. How do I bring comfort? Is there anything at all I can do? I find myself praying throughout the day and waking at night to pray. I pray for God to give her strength. To wash her in His sweet comfort. May He just surround her with His presence. Lord, give her breath.
I know the pain of losing a parent. A childhood friend. But this is something much different. I remember all the well intended words spoken after the death of my dad. Those words seemed to only aggravate me. I wanted to scream at those who said that time healed all wounds, "Are you kidding me? Time? I didn't have enough time. Screw time!"
I was angry at a God I had yet to know. I didn't want anything to do with God. Bobbie loves the Lord. She is a woman of strong faith, but with this? With losing her son? Can God understand her anger? I think He can. He knows her heart and the wrenching anguish she breathes. This is that shaky ground that our faith becomes our everything. This is the time she needs God more than ever. In a way she never expected. Lost and lonely, grieving and raw, she tries to live. She wishes for the days of normal again. Not this madness that is life for her now.
What can I say? What can I do? I can love her. I can be there. Most of all I can pray. God knows the deepest parts of her heart. He knows her every need. The Spirit intercedes and calls me to prayer. I can wrap my arms around her by covering her in prayer.
This is my friend who was so full of life and laughter. An infectious laughter! My pink and purple colored hair girlfriend who could make me laugh until I cried. My friend who would sent me goofy texts that made my day. My friend who would dream with me. Help conjure up plot lines for stories that we could write together that would for sure be number one on the best-selling list. Movies and shopping. Perfume hunting and gathering samples and more samples. We could talk about Jesus for hours. It seems every conversation we had would always lead to our Jesus and our love for Him.
There have been times in my life where she stood right by my side. Times when I needed a friend the most. She helped me through some tough times. Times that I never thought I would make it through. And look, here I am. I made it through. There have been many times we have prayed together. She was there to encourage me and pray me through. But now it's my turn, God, and I don't know how to help. I'm lost at what I should do. This is something that I myself cannot make right. This is a healing that only You can do. I know You have perfect timing and a purpose and plan for everything. I know we are Your vessels and You can use us in mighty ways to do Your will. Lord, please share with me what I am to do. My heart breaks that I cannot reach her and bring comfort.
She has inspired me to write and share the gifts that God has given me. She inspires me to simply be me. The me God has created me to be. She inspires me through her life and actions. This is what friends do. They are there for each other. I try with all my might to gently guide her to Your promises. May the Psalms be soothing ointment to her broken soul. Lord, You are enough. Reach her. Touch her. Bless her. Please keep the darkness from reaching her. Protect her as only You can. Fill her with Your everything so that one day she can smile again. That hope is not lost by this great despair that has robbed her of her son.
Our community has come together with benefits to bless this family. With all of this Bobbie is so grateful. Most of all she is proud of the impact her baby boy has made on the community. She has been touched mightily by his school friends. This is a mother's hope. That her son will forever be remembered.
I text her every morning and every evening. Many times throughout the day. I send words of hope and encouragement. Scripture that reminds her where her strength comes from and who is holding her tight. But is this enough? Even as I type these words tears fall. If only God could catch every tear and turn them all into blessings that unfold before her eyes today and for all the days to come that she must live without her son.
Lord, I want her to enjoy her favorite rainy days once again. I want her to look up in the heavens of night and be in awe of Your glory. I want her to be able to pick up a book and get lost in it again. I just want her to feel again. Feel something besides this anguish that isn't fair. I just want her to breathe You in and be able to breathe out Your peace and bask in Your comforting salve of Your Word. I want her to be whole.
Lord, I want her to enjoy her favorite rainy days once again. I want her to look up in the heavens of night and be in awe of Your glory. I want her to be able to pick up a book and get lost in it again. I just want her to feel again. Feel something besides this anguish that isn't fair. I just want her to breathe You in and be able to breathe out Your peace and bask in Your comforting salve of Your Word. I want her to be whole.
What is it that I can do, Lord? Please show me how I can reach out. I want to protect her. To cover her in every way. I want to stand with her. Lord, I'll carry her. I'll do whatever You ask of me. I want my friend back. I want my friend whole again. But even as I pen these words I know that isn't happening any time soon.
I think of something funny and I want to shoot a text her way. But then I remember I can't. Not today. I want to call her and make plans for something fun only for us to cancel at the last minute and then laugh because we never quite it make it out the door and in the same the car. But now life is different. My friend is so broken. All I want to do is help her heal. Lord, I lift her up to You!
Lord, how can you know a friend so well and not know how to help them? I want to place all of these senseless people in a room and scream at the top of lungs. I want them to know what their thoughtless actions has created. They should have to see before them what she sees every single day. These people didn't even care enough to help after the car crashed into Donnie and took his life. As Donnie lay dead and the driver of the car laying face down none of them did anything. I know, but only by the grace of God there go I. But right now, I feel anger. I see what they have caused. I write letters to the prosecutors and the judges. I pray for justice.
Friends, if you live here in Franklin County, regardless if you knew Donnie, you can write a letter to our County Prosecutor Bob Parks. If you knew Donnie, write and share about him and his life. Help the prosecutor know just who Donnie was on this earth and the impact his life has made. If you have never met Donnie and don't know the Tipton/Boyer family, you can still make an impact by writing a letter and taking a stand against drunk driving and racing. You may think that your letter isn't enough, but it is.
We now fight for justice for Donnie. The community has greatly stood beside this family and many have joined the family for the very first court proceeding. Friends, it would be powerful if we could pack the courthouse at every single court proceeding in support of this family. We can take a stand against men like these four who took the life of Donnie. Your words and actions of encouragement could change everything. Most of all, it gives this family great hope that no other family would have to face the tragedy they are living with today.
We now fight for justice for Donnie. The community has greatly stood beside this family and many have joined the family for the very first court proceeding. Friends, it would be powerful if we could pack the courthouse at every single court proceeding in support of this family. We can take a stand against men like these four who took the life of Donnie. Your words and actions of encouragement could change everything. Most of all, it gives this family great hope that no other family would have to face the tragedy they are living with today.
Prosecuting Attorney Robert E. Parks
15 S Church St Room 204
Union, MO 63084.
I know it would be a blessing to Bobbie and her family if you could send a card of encouragement. I ask that you please pray for this family as they find their way through this new life that was forced upon them. In these coming days as trials begin for those charged in the death of Donnie this family is going to need prayer. Please intercede. Pray for peace and for justice.
Bethel Baptist Church
c/o Bobbie and Jeremy Boyer
569 Bethel Church Road
Lonedell, Missouri 63060
Bobbie, my beautiful friend, I love you. I simply love you. This is my prayer for you:
You, Lord, are close to the brokenhearted, and You save those who are crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18). You are surely so close to me, Lord. Help me to sense Your presence in my life. I need You more than I need the next breath. I am still confident of this: I will see Your goodness, Lord, in the land of the living. I will wait for You, Lord. I will be strong and take heart and wait for You (Ps. 27:13-14).
You, Lord, are close to the brokenhearted, and You save those who are crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18). You are surely so close to me, Lord. Help me to sense Your presence in my life. I need You more than I need the next breath. I am still confident of this: I will see Your goodness, Lord, in the land of the living. I will wait for You, Lord. I will be strong and take heart and wait for You (Ps. 27:13-14).
