Friday, August 23, 2013

The Imperfect Me

You know what I'm learning? It's okay to be me. Yep, this imperfect girl, who struggles and gets herself into messes. This girl who feels lonely at times and struggles to meet the demands of others. This same girl who has great intentions, but often fails to meet each one. 

The me that finds is so hard to understand others. The me that tries to find acceptance in others. Yes, the wife who could be better. The mom who makes mistakes. The friend who doesn't have enough time. The daughter who gets selfish with her own time. 

I continually trip over my feet in my journey to walk with Jesus. I allow other stuff to get in the way. I get off focus and off balance. Jealousy enters my heart. Bitterness tries to control my emotions. I get lazy in my study, but find time for other things. 

The phone rings and I want to hide. Someone is always wanting a part of me. Just what if I don't have any more to give? How much more do I give? 

I am that girl who feels inadequate and undeserving. 

What about you? 

Oh yes, there are those moments where I look to Jesus and say, "Why do You want to use me?" I look to the Proverbs 31 woman and think to myself, "Really? I'm never going to make it." But then there is the Lord. I hear His sweet voice and He says, "You are enough. Let Me do the rest." 

Yes! In that moment I drown out all those anxieties that try to pull me down by repeating the Word of God. It's nothing about what I do, but all about who I am. I am a child of the King of kings, Lord of lords. Jesus is my King and Savior. He is my Everything. It is in Him that I can find a serenity that leads me to a day filled with joy instead of hurry. 

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up." Proverbs 12:25

It is Satan's will to destroy me and the best way he can do that is to use me against myself. I spend so much time kicking myself. I can be my own worst enemy. But then I remember. Run to Jesus. Run to Him when I'm running on fumes. When I feel weak. When I feel out of my comfort zone. When everything seems a mess I run to Him. 

The more my thoughts spin out of control I remind myself that God is still in control. Nothing. Not nothing passes through His hands and touches me that He has not first prayed through. Yes, Jesus is our Forever Intercessor! He sees my yesterday. He knows my today. He has my tomorrow planned out in perfect harmony. I remind myself, "Trust Him. Trust Him with everything!" 

Soon those fears pass by. My doubts are no longer my focus. Those impossible moments become possible with Jesus. Everything becomes more clear when He is my focus and purpose. 

It's His sweet grace that changes everything. Jesus makes all the difference in a living life and loving life. We can live each and every day just going through the motions or we can live each and every day with purpose and praise. 

Choose Jesus today and just see what miraculous gifts He shows you. He created you with love and intention. Let go of the small things and trust Him with the big. There is nothing that goes unnoticed by the Lord. 

When I cling to my imperfections I see God creating in me. Just hang a sign over my heart that says, "This girl's heart is a work created by God that is still in progress." God isn't looking for perfect. He's looking for a willing vessel. When I learn to be all I am in Christ I will then understand who I am to be in this world. 

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10




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