Friday, July 29, 2011

Searching for direction

If you have stopped in on a Friday you may have noticed there was not a Lets Chat spot appearing. I want to share with you that Lets Chat isn't over, it's just on hold for a bit. I love Fridays and I love interviewing people. This highlight has been a rich blessing in my life, but it is time I take a step back for a bit and look at the view. Not my view, but God's view.

I have been spending time in prayer asking God, "What direction do You want me to go?" I haven't heard a definite answer yet, so I am waiting and trying hard to be still. When you love to write, or maybe I should say, when writing is your passion, it's pretty hard to sit back and wait. He hasn't told me to put my writing on hold, but He is asking me to expand my vision. I jot down everything that seems to have meaning. I have all these notes and it's like trying to put a puzzle together. Finding where all the pieces fit is not always easy. It is a journey and I gotta say, as I sit back and try to soak it all in I find a great assurance in the fact that God is doing the leading. I just want to make sure I do the following.

See, I am not sure if I am to move into Fiction or Non-Fiction. Being part of the ACFW has opened my eyes to so much and I am learning from some pretty amazing people. I think after I attend the conference in September I will have a better understanding of just where I am to be and what I am to do. Maybe I am not to publish a book at all. Maybe I am to continue this ministry. I just am not sure. I know I have a story to tell. We all do. But I am not sure as how to tell my story. It would be amazing to do it through a Fiction series, but also opening my heart and being transparent in a Non-Fiction area would be equally amazing. Do you see my dilemma? Have you too felt this struggle before?

God has been opening door after door for me and I am so humbled by His presence in my life. His guidance is everything. In writing we can get caught up in so much. We tend to look over and see how many people are stopping in. We place our acceptance on those comments below. We judge our ministry by the emails we receive. Ah, it sounds like there are times we can just be stuck in that place of, "What do others think of my writing?" I don't want to be in that place. Sure, it is nice and humbling to hear from others. It is wonderful to hear from your readers just how they have been blessed by what they have read. I find it overwhelmingly awesome that a person can just stop by out of the blue on a night when they just happen to come across something that is what they needed to hear. When you hear their story that is just more of a confidence you are where you are suppose to be in your writing. With that being said, I want to be in a place where I am totally searching God's will and His leading. I want to be totally surrendered to His voice and not my own.

I want to be totally transparent and there is so much to share. So, how much do you share? My son asked me last night, "Mom, if I tell my story do you know how many people will judge me?" My answer to him was, "Is it more important for one person to hear your message and be changed or is it more important to be concerned with those who might judge?" We spend so much time worrying about what others think of us. That is so sad. Really. When we reach heaven and we see Jesus face to face I want to be able to say, "Lord, I have used up everything You gave me." When I meet Jesus face to face those people who judged will not be standing there next to me. I find that comforting. I should be more concerned with how my Father in heaven sees me. Does He see a girl on fire for Him or does He see me floating somewhere between the lines of faith and this world? We cannot walk with one foot in faith and one foot in this world. We must make a decision. My decision is to totally live for Jesus and I want that to shine through my writing. After all, this is His gift and I am humbled to receive it.

What is He calling you to do? Where is He calling you to go? There are those times we must take a step back and do a heart check. My heart aches to know Him more. I want to dig into His Word even deeper and write with a new vision. So friends, please be patient with me as I travel on this journey into the unknown. I just want to make sure I don't make a left turn where I am to make a right one.


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