So, as I am trying to move all of my parts back into place, it occurred to me that if I am not right with God, this too is how my relationship might look. A bit out of whack. Think about it. When our head hurts with a migraine, everything seems to hurt. Some say, there is nothing like a tooth ache. Others say, when their backs are out, nothing is right. Even if we have a broken toe, it not only causes pain with each step, but throughout your body. Every motion is connected. Every bone and muscle in our bodies is connected together to make us whole. When one piece of that whole hurts, it effects more than just that one part.
Lately I must admit, I know I have not been right with God. To write those words and confess seems to make it more real for me. Sure, I have my bible sitting here by me. In fact there are two sitting here on my desk, including my Sunday school book. In front of me I have a little book mark that says, "God uses small things for great purposes." I can tell you, I have not opened my bible all weekend. Yes, I have spent time in prayer. I have given Him praise over and over again, but I have not been in His Word.
Without His Word I am not whole. Without Him present in my life something is missing. Could it be because His Word is the Bread of Life? Without Him leading me in each step I feel as though everything I do is a little out of whack. Nothing quite seems in place without Him. Do you know what I mean?
If I am honest, I might even say I have been a little mad at God. I know, your thinking, "Well, how can that be? Your husband has a great new job and you have much to be praising Him for." I would have to agree there. I do have much to praise God for. But some things are missing. I haven't seen my granddaughter since before Mother's Day. I have not been able to speak with my daughter since that time either. If you ask me why, I would have to answer you honestly and say, "I don't have a clue as to what went wrong." I have prayed. I have searched. Nothing. No answer.
I kept praising God daily. I thought everything was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Then one day everything changes and I am left asking God, "Really? Why? Are You kidding me?" I have searched my heart daily. I have prayed for Him to "Fix it", but still nothing. The more time that goes by the more time I am left wondering, "Will it ever be right?"
We can seem to have so much going right, but when one thing goes wrong, we feel as though everything is out of whack. I don't know what else to do. All I can do is pray. Trust. Believe. Hope. Maybe God is working here behind the scenes. Maybe there is a bigger blessing just around the bend. I know all of that. I believe all that, but it just doesn't seem good enough. I want right now to be perfect. Is that selfish of me? Maybe God is missing me just as much as I am missing them.
So, yes, I could have a little anger growing inside. It's like that angry tooth that just throbs non-stop. Have you ever missed someone so bad it just hurt? I haven't felt like writing. I haven't wanted to read. It seems everything that once brought joy is now void. I know some of you must know how I feel. We get mad and our anger turns toward God. We can't understand why He would let something happen. But did He do it? I know better than that. I know it wasn't Him. God cannot do wrong. Everything about Him is perfect. Everything He does is perfect. So, if something is wrong, it's not Him, it's us. It's this evil, sin filled world we live in.
See, when we are ALL right with God, all seems to work for His glory and honor. Even in a relationship where one is living in faith and another is not, there is something missing. You know it. You feel it. We can't blame God when things don't go our way. Oh sure, I know, it's easier said than done. Who better to blame, right? After all He is God. He can do anything He wants. But just because He wants, doesn't make it happen. He can speak to us and tell us how to act, how to live, how to speak, how to react, but do we? We have our own free will. Just because He wants us to do something doesn't mean we will. Our SELF comes into play. If we are not right with God then that SELF is pretty much leading the show.
Some folks might go to a Chiropractor for an adjustment in their back. Sometimes they will tell us to come back again in two days, maybe three for another. It seems as though my mother in law is always going in for an adjustment. When her back is out of whack she is even sick to her stomach. She knows when it's time to go back in. Our relationship with God is the same. He is always adjusting us. It isn't a one time appointment with Him. It is continual.
When our heart is not right we don't even want to get out of bed. We don't want to do anything. When we are hurting, everything hurts. Those who feel depression have aches and pains throughout their bodies. I know. I have been there too, my friend. So, what do we do? Is there an answer?
The only answer I know is God. No matter how angry I am or how much I don't understand, my heart knows where I need to be. My heart knows I need Him. I need His Word. When we dig into His Word, He speaks to us. He shows us there is hope. I think sometimes it's easier to be angry with God than the one who has hurt you. We blame Him for an awful lot, don't we? When things are going wonderful we are filled with praise. As soon as something is out of whack there we are once again on that angry train.
When things just don't seem right there is only ONE to go to. That my friends, is the Lord, Jesus Christ. He is our Healer. He is our Protector. He is our Guide for this ride and I know without Him leading me, I am not traveling safely. Out on my own I get so lost and confused.
I cannot begin to share with you how much I miss my granddaughter. It's like I am just trying to always catch my breath. The air is there, but I simply just cannot take it in. My daughter is missed so very much. I loved sharing coffee with her each morning and spending time chatting. All I can do is trust the Lord. I must let go of EVERYTHING and place it in His hands, trusting Him with all that I love.
If you are feeling all out of whack today, there is only one place to be. In His Word. It is in His Word you will find solace. When one thing is out of whack most of the time it is because something else is out of whack and we just haven't noticed it yet. That then leads to everything being out of whack. To get things in order we must work on one thing at a time. Sometimes it hurts as we put things back in place. We hear the sounds of pop, snap and crack, when the Chiropractor is doing his job. We must trust God to do His job. We must lay face down in total surrender and allow Him to do His will and way in order to make us whole and right.
So, that is where I am. I am going in for an adjustment. God knows what is out of place. He sees where I cannot not. Most of all, He sees my heart. He knows I am angry. I think He understands my anger too. He doesn't want to see us in pain. He doesn't want us hurting. He doesn't want to see His children at odds with another. There are many causes for our anger. There are dozens of reasons for us to feel dislocated. It could be the loss of a job. Our health. Family troubles. Friendship pains. Misunderstandings. So many things effect our lives and all in different ways. When one thing is out of whack everything seems to soon follow.
If you are feeling out of whack like me today, friends turn to Christ. Find yourself covered in His grace today as you blanket yourself in His Word. His Word seems to bring healing and comfort in the darkest of times. His Word brings light where there is no understanding. We cannot just trust Him with a few things. We must trust Him in all things.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." James 1:2-8
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10
"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?'"
