Although we don't quite have an empty nest yet it can seem like it at times as our youngest son is in and out. Those of you with an eighteen year old boy know they don't like to stay home very much. He is always on the go. I am not sure if I will ever get used to the quietness. Maybe not even so much the quietness, but just a different sound of life. One that is not filled with the sound of children running through the door and kicking their shoes off as they run for a glass of tea.
Goodness Gacious time flies. It seems to pass when we are not looking. Just as when we watch a fighter jet fly over head, it gives such a rush, then passes before you blink. You raise your hand to block the sun. You can still hear it, but it isn't in your scope of vision any longer. Now, we have a home filled with sounds of yesterday. Moments that stole my heart away and will forever echo on these walls.
Now my baby girl is having a babe of her own. Yes, I will be grandma once again. It is mind blowing to see your babies having babies of their own. It seemed only yesterday we were laying in bed all snuggled up reading books before bed and holding hands as we ran to see the animals at the zoo.
As my granddaughter, Peyton, took her first real crawl I sat in amazement. This little one only five months old, now crawling. She will be walking in no time. I look into her eyes and see the blueness of her mother's eyes. There is so much about her that brings back such memories of watching my Ashley do all those firsts. As I watched all those firsts in astonishment I am still in awe of watching my children grow and spread their wings. Isn't is something to watch another grow right from the start? What a gift from God. I cherish each moment.
My kids spent much of their time outdoors. Chasing butterflies, picking up squirming snakes and leaping for lizards. Imagination brought them together and now as I peek out the window I can see them clear as day. Flipping through the yard like gymnasts. Claiming land for America. Discovering life by living it to the fullest. My kids knew how to play.
Those little hands and feet that I once washed in laughter are all grown up. All those prayers I have said for my children are at heaven's portholes. I don't think you ever stop being a mother. You want to hold onto all those memories. You want to remain close to your children. I think that is the hard part about watching your children soar into their own lives. Where does that leave you?
For the last twenty-two years I have been a mother. I have given everyday of myself to loving my children. At least I hope as they look at themselves they too see a glimpse of me. The funny thing is, I grew up through my children. In all those wonderful days filled with laughter and those that I thought would tear us apart, I grew. I grew needing the Lord more and more. As my hand opened to let go of them the Lord graciously opened His for me.
A mother's love is greater even when her children are farther away. It seems you miss most the one you see the least. You go from daily seeing your children and then one day they are all grown up and they are on their own. You begin to feel as though you aren't needed as much. You begin to feel left out when you were once all they wanted.
Oh goodness gacious how you miss your children. It makes you think back to all those sweaty foreheads, dirty knees and endless chattering. Seeing them first thing in the morning with a big hug and kissing them goodnight before you turn out the light. Yesterday is a memory away.
Now, I am making new memories. Wow, I am a grandma, a Nana, a momma still, but now with my blessed granddaughter, who just lights up with world for me. Wedding bands, baby blankets, dream homes and careers. Everything has changed some how. Their dreams are now coming true. I now see things from a distance. The same view, only different. My daughter will now hear her little one speak words that will imprint on her heart forevermore.
You hear all kinds of advice about these changes. Although you take it all in it doesn't hurt any less. You still feel as though something is missing. You find yourself wanting more and wanting that feeling of being needed once again. You yearn for that phone call just to hear their voice. I hear friends say, "Well, this is your time now. You are now to spread your wings." There is a part of me that is excited about that challenge. I certainly have more time for myself, but yesterday tugs at my heart endlessly.
So, what do I do? Everytime I hear a sound bringing back a memory I pray for that child. Each time I glance at a photo I turn in prayer lifting them up to the Lord. Your child will always remain only one thought away. Maybe that is God's cue for us to turn to Him and pray for the lives they are now building with their own families. Nothing is more powerful than prayer. Praise God maybe one day they will get to see all those prayers and know just how much they are loved. Maybe that will be the gift of all gifts. Maybe He will present us with a box of prayers entitled, "Prayers From Momma."
Hold your babies a little tighter today. Kiss them one more time. Sing them a song of hope and jump rope until your legs give out. Play hide and seek and skip through the park in the sunshine of the day. In the rain get out those books and share story after story. Don't worry about those dirty bedrooms and let all the small stuff go. Build memories for tomorrow. For tomorrow you will look back and see treasure after treasure as life changes bringing new each day.
