I don't know about you, but sometimes it is a scary thing to just completely love. Unconditional love means loving without fear. We are afraid of letting go. It is when we let go and release love that we must remember it isn't about us. It is about the other person. It is about allowing Christ to love through us.
I have felt the sting of rejection as of late. It seems I am on the outside looking through a window trying to get a glimpse. The harder I try to see, the foggier the window becomes. The more we try to get in sometimes the door is only open partially. So, what do we do? What do we do with a door open just a bit or a window that clouds quickly? We take that glimpse for however long and rejoice. We peek inside that door and simply say hello. No matter the rejection, we still love completely. It is through that complete love that the door will one day open all the way. Through taking small glimpses and showing Christ like love the window will become more clear and His love penetrates through. Too often we just simply give up. It becomes too hard trying to reach one and it doesn't help with Satan whispering in our ear. Can you hear him? "Your not loved. Your not good enough. You have nothing to offer. Just give up and move on." Oh, his words cut deep and we can find our self drowning in those hurtful words. We begin to believe them. Satan wants to place a wedge between us and those we love. Giving him room only pushes us out of the way more. When we close the door on him, and release our fear of love, is when we can find peace, knowing one day as we will get a great glimpse. We must carry hope within our hearts.
As I sat in my room on Christmas Day the tears didn't stop flowing. I just simply got on my knees and let it all out. Rejection hurts. Being left out hurts. The pain of not being wanted is one that cuts deep. It seems in some cases you are only wanted if you can give something. As I cried out to God for wisdom, He spoke to me. I heard His whisper write on my heart, "This is how I feel my daughter." See, although my rejection hurts today, Jesus feels it everyday. This whole world rejects Christ daily. He gives, He loves, He serves, He loves unconditionally. He is reaching out as this world turns away. The small amount of pain I feel from a few, He feels from many. He was not only shunned during His ministry, but after giving His life upon the cross, dying, being resurrected, He is still shunned. We find ourselves asking, "How much do I have to give?" Christ gave ALL. Yes, even Christians shun Him. We don't give Him our time. We love with conditions. We look to Him expecting something in return. We want what we want when we want it. If Jesus isn't giving us that, we then turn away seeking it on our own. Every time we disobey. Every time we place something before Him, we shun Him. When we place our fleshly desires above Him, we are shunning the God who gave all. Is it worth it? Is it really worth leaving Him to find it on our own? Is it really love if you only love with conditions? How does this sound, "I will love you as long as you continue to do for me?" It seems we say it more and more. Oh, we don't have to say it with our words, our actions speak louder.
He wants to get a glimpse of our lives. He doesn't want to look through the window, He wants to be in the room. He wants to be in our heart. He doesn't just want a few minutes when we have time. He wants our total attention. He wants to meet with us before anyone else. That should make our day knowing there is One who wants to spend time with us. Ever try to call another and get together? Sometimes that person on the other end says, "Sure, how about today?" But others, well, that is when we feel the sting. We don't hear back from them. We hear from them when they have time. It's almost as though we must make an appointment and then it is cut short because the other doesn't have time. But what happens if you call another and have a great deal to offer? Maybe lunch in the city or a gift waiting? Ah, then the whole picture changes. You know, I am not sure I want to spend time with another if all they are after is something for themselves. Do you think Jesus ever feels that way? We can make Him our personal genie. Asking for all we want, but never quite getting to what He wants for us.
As I felt my tears fall down my cheeks, I thought of heaven's tears. I thought of the times Jesus must simply cry for those who turn away. Once we have been hurt, it is scary to give yourself all over again. We hold back in fear of the unknown. What if I give love and never have it returned? We must not think that way. Jesus shows us how to love. He shows us how to accept. He shows forgiveness. He wrote the book on love. We must love without a list. We must love without expecting. We must give all in love. The thing is, Jesus doesn't hold back. He isn't waiting for things to be perfect. He just wants us to love Him as He loves us. He wants to walk with us and talk with us. If we love with expectations and limitations we make it all about us. That is not love.
As much as it hurts to love sometimes, may we forever remember the love of Christ and how far He was willing to go for love. He shows us what love is and isn't.
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
During my walk with the Lord, He continues to show me, He is enough. His love is enough. So, as I sit before Him I find my heart asking, "Is it really? Do I really believe what I say? He is either enough or He isn't." As long I continue to find my worth and acceptance in others, He is not enough. It's when I totally surrender all, that He is enough. It is when I stop looking to others to complete me and look to Him that I find all I need is right there in my Savior's love.
By holding back we will only miss great opportunities for love. By holding back we not only hurt the other, but we hurt ourselves. When we hold back time escapes us and we might one day find ourselves wishing we would have just taken the chance and loved without fear.
