Sunday, October 10, 2010

What a heart needs

Sometimes we just need to open our hearts and share. When we are honest and pure our hearts connect. As women we share a unique bond anyway. As Christian women and sisters it is even more so. But my question is, "What is it that you need as a wife?" It just might be the same things we are all searching for and in need of.

A wife needs so much to make her the woman God has called her to be. One of those things is a strong husband by her side. One that prays for her and with her. Prayer is so powerful and when a husband and wife pray together God is right there in the midst of their love, surrounding them with blessings. This is one thing that doesn't happen in every Christian home. This is one thing all Christian women are searching for. That husband to stand at her side in those struggling moments, but even more so, to have a husband on his knees next to his wife, lifting her up, lifting their marriage and children up. Just laying all their burdens down at Christ's feet.

In our home our husband should be in that leadership role. To have a husband open his bible daily and read together would make any woman's heart soar. To have a quiet time together, just you and your husband reading God's word and seeking His wisdom. Finding His blessings within His word. Asking questions together and praying about those things in which you do not understand. A woman needs to walk through the house and see her husband deep in God's word. I know when I do see my husband reading his bible it only makes my heart smile more.

To share our deepest fears and biggest wonders together is a need to make a strong marriage. To talk about our relationship with Christ with our spouse is something that can only make our marriage more special. I don't just want a strong marriage, but one that is deep. One that is grounded in Christ Jesus. I want to share my thoughts about Christ. We can be accountable to each other, being one an other's cheerleaders.

For our children to see their father in God's word and speaking His word is giving them a great beginning to walking with Christ. For our children to see their mother and father in prayer can only make them feel more secure. They then see a faith that is great. A bond that is unbreakable. I think this is what is missing in most of our homes. Our children are seeking so much just as we are, and we all seem to be looking in the wrong places.

Just what if we turned the television off? What if we put away the music, the video games, the computer and all the stuff that takes up our evenings and just sat together reading the word of God? For me, I think that would make a great impact on our lives, our relationships and our walk with Christ.

To have a parent pray over their children is a beautiful moment. I prayed over our children every since they were born, even now I still pray over my son. Right before our kids were ready for bed I entered their room and knelt at their beds and as they prayed I prayed. When they were finished, it was then I too prayed over my children. They not only grew knowing my love, but the love of their Savior.

We look at families today and everything is a rush. No time. We make time for what we want to do. Isn't that what keeps us busiest? It's all that stuff we add on our lists that keep us running about with our heads cut off. But what do families really need? It's not those nights out at the movies. It's not those fancy dinners and football games. All that is well and good, but when we leave out Christ are we gaining anything? We leave Him out of so very much, when in fact He should be at the center of everything we do. Family night out is wonderful, but what about beginning each day in prayer? What about a Thursday bible study together? We try to make a date for everything under the sun, but when it comes to Christ we all kind of just do our own thing in our own time and way instead of walking with Christ as a family. Can you imagine what our families would be like if we devoted time for Christ each day?

Being a stay home mom for twenty years now has been a wonderful blessing, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard. There were times I felt alone and like I was hanging from a rope, screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to notice just how hard it was. In much of the time when our children were young my husband was out on the road. Although I knew he was praying for me, to have him here, next to me, praying over me, praying with me, would have made all the difference in the world. My husband is a godly man. He has a huge heart. I know he prays for me daily. He has been by my side through some really hard times. He has held my hand through surgery after surgery. He has kept me from falling off the edge. But I must be honest. I know there are women out there feeling the same things I am. I need my husband to pray with me. I want to feel his hand upon me in prayer. I want to hear him pray. I want to pray together for our kids, our home and family. I must admit when I see other men and women praying together at the altar at church, I am thinking, "What a wonderful blessing for them." But I too am wishing that was me and my husband.

Why is so easy for women and more difficult for men? I know my husband did not grow up in a home where his father prayed over him. Is it that men just feel they are weak? Are they afraid to show their fears? Will tears make them less of a man? For me, I feel a man that is strong in his faith, isn't showing weakness as he cries out to God, but in fact strength and humility. Men in general are afraid to show their feelings. I pray the time ends when we stop teaching our sons it is a sign of weakness to cry. It is when we open our hearts to one another that we grow closer. It is in those raw moments that we really see an other's heart. It is in those moments that our faith grows and we too feel more secure.

For many, the woman is that Christian witness in the home. She is the one praying over the children and reading the bible with them. That was me. It still is me. It is a role that I humbly take, but it is one that I wish my husband would step up to. So ladies what do we do when our husband isn't that leader in our home? Do we give up and stay home from church? Do we just stop opening our bible? No. In fact we go to church. We read our bible. We pray with our children. Many times it is in these very moments that our husbands are seeing something they need very much. We are not to give up and for me, I can't just sit and wait for those qualities to show in my husband. I cannot just look to him for my needs. I must first look to Christ to meet my needs. It is Christ who can fill me and refresh me. It is Christ who fills that God spot that no other can. It is when I have my bible open and dig into God's word that I find Him and all He has for me. It is in those moments that I should be inviting my husband to read with me. I could in turn ask him, "What do you think about this verse?" I could be more inviting and then maybe my husband would feel more comfortable.

Is it possible that I have taken this role from him without thinking? It just comes so natural for me to pray over our kids and share the bible with them. In some way I wonder if I did take this role and just run with it. When my husband was out on the road when our kids were young, it was only me at home. So it was only natural for me to be taking this role as leader, but when he came home, maybe I did in fact just keep it. I really never thought much about that. But maybe we do steal this from our husbands without meaning to. What are your thoughts?

I pray for my husband. I pray for him to lay down all his insecurities and just humble himself before God. I pray great blessings for my husband and for God to do a work in Him. I pray our marriage will only grow deeper and we will walk on new ground with Christ. My prayers are heard by the Lord. God loves my husband and wants to see him take on this role of a faithful leader in our home.

Ladies, we too can feel insecure when we don't have that relationship we desire with our husbands. We can feel as though we are carrying an extra burden. We can begin to feel angry and lonely. How do I know? I have been there. I have been there wanting more and seeking more. While my heart is hurting at times for more, I cannot give up. I must keep praying and just trust in the Lord. I cannot change my husband and make him the man I want. God on the other hand can. He can change him and make him the man God is calling him to be, and for me, my greatest place is on my knees in prayer for my husband to be that man God is indeed calling him to be.

Ladies, don't lose heart. Don't give up too quickly. Pray until you see something happen and then keep on praying!! I know as God is doing a work in me, He too is reaching my husband. That rough exterior is falling. That quietness is coming. That bible is opening more. I know I can go to my husband for any need. I can talk with him about anything. That is a blessing for me. He is my best friend. My love for him only grows daily. But I struggle just like any other woman. One thing we can do is just be honest with our husbands and tell them in fact what we need. Many times they just simply do not know. Many times they just don't know how. I know my dad grew up in a home where no one hugged or said, "I love you." That in turn rubbed off on him. He did not do those things with me. But somehow that only left me with the desire never to do the same. I loved on my children daily. I made sure each day I told them how much I loved them. I wanted them to feel all that I missed out on.

Women and men think differently. We can even say the same thought so totally different that we misunderstand one another. My husband reads a map to get to where we are going. I cannot. As he says turn three blocks and go left, I say, "Go down to Old Navy and turn left at Kohls!!" If we are not communicating clearly we are never going to understand each other. We can talk for hours, but if we really aren't listening, we are not hearing what the other's heart is truly saying. So, just open your heart. Pray. Share with your husband. Things might not change over night. In fact I know they won't, but we will never find out unless we too begin to open up and share our fears as well. This walk is a journey. In this journey we are learning and growing daily. We are a work in progress. As Christ is teaching us daily, molding us, He too can reach our husbands through our obedience to Him.


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