Thursday, October 28, 2010

Is that a break down your having?

Today as I woke up my little Daisy was not herself. Something was terribly wrong. She couldn't walk very well and was yelping every time she moved. I just knew, she had injured her back. As she yelped the tears began to fall. I didn't know what to do expect call our vet and just tell him, "Fix her Gavin. Make her well!!" With tears running down my cheeks I made that call, but then had to give the phone to my husband. Needless to say, it was not an easy morning in the Prater home. On the ride to the city to our vet, who is the most amazing vet anyone could ask for, Daisy yelped  in pain all the the way. As she was shaking, she looked at me with fearful eyes as if to say, "What is wrong?"

You are either a dog lover or not. Maybe you are somewhere in between. Daisy is special. Six years ago during the hardest time in my life my husband bought her for me. My son picked her out with joy. I was away at a women's conference. As I came home and entered the house my husband says, "Close your eyes and hold out your hands." I am thinking, "Wow, a surprise!!" Who knew this little surprise would help to save my life. Yes, save my life. During this time I was depressed and no longer wanted to be part of this world. My heart was breaking for my daughters who were no longer home. It was one of those times where you know you just cannot take anymore. On one night I was going to take my life. I just wanted the pain to end. I made it through that night. It was right before we were leaving for this women's conference and no one really knew the thoughts that were stirring in my mind except for my husband. He could see the pain.

I held out my hands and smiled before I opened my eyes at this Mini Dachshund. She was so tiny with her tail swirling about and planting puppy kisses upon my cheeks as tears once again fell. From that moment on this little wonder had my heart. She taught me to have joy again. She taught me to smile again. She brought a new life to me. Healing was on it's way. The Lord sent this little bundle of love to help me to heal and live again. So, see little Daisy is special. She is a gift to this girl and the thought of not having her here, well, that breaks my heart.

All I could think of today were all the times she has sat next to me or on me while I have been ill and not feeling good. All the days where tears covered my face, she was there with no judgement, no questions, only love. Our pets can teach us much about life. They fill our hearts with love and yes, they become part of the family.

So, Ms. Daisy has a ruptured disc, which for dachshunds is common, and terribly painful. Just as if we were in pain from our backs.  She must remain still for six weeks. Six long weeks of healing. She has her little meds sitting on the table to help relieve the swelling and pain. Now, getting her to take them is going to be a trick indeed. I will give her all I have. I will sit with her and care for her as she did with me on many days and nights.

Today the tears just fell. It was one of those days where a break down was just on the surface and it ruptured as well. As I sat in the truck I wanted to scream out and say, "What else is going to happen to us?" Really, it seems as though when you are down just one more thing keeps being added on to a list of hurts you wish you didn't have. My husband also began to open up about all the feelings he was keeping in for being off work for two years. His shoulders are bent. He feels the heavy pain of not providing for his family. We are a family who relies on God and we will continue to do so. Those breakdowns are a release of all the pain built up inside. It is time we let go of all the pain we are carrying. It is time to just lay it all down at the feet of Christ and trust Him.

We don't always do that do we? We like to carry it. We seem to think if we are carrying it we can control it. No, my friends, we must let it all go and trust the only One capable of handling all the hurt of the world. The Lord has not left us. I am beginning to learn instead of seeing all these trials as struggles, may we look to them as adventures. Adventures where Christ is teaching us and molding us for more, for greater things to come.

I gotta tell you, I feel a little like a turtle trying to cross the road. The cars are coming from all directions and all you can do is tuck and cover. For me, God is that cover. He is that protection and shelter I need. He will get me across the road. It might take a while. I might have to go a different route, but I will get there indeed.

Whatever is causing your tears today, it's okay to cry. It's okay to scream out. God wants us to be real. He already knows our heart. He is not only our God, but our Friend. He is there on those dark nights where no one else knows your pain and those days where you feel lonely. Reach for Him. Call out to Him. His strength is mighty and His comfort is warm. I am not sure what will happen with Daisy. I pray she heals and will have a joyful life. Everything is in the Lord's hands. It is in His hands where we find guidance and His arms where we find love.. God brought me through my deepest depression. He brought healing with my daughters. He too will send that job for my husband. I too am learning to be still. Maybe the Lord is calling me to be still for six weeks. Could it be during this time He is going to do a work in me? During these weeks of being still next to Daisy, I too am going to be in prayer about being still and listening to the Lord's whisper. What a sweet sweet sound His voice is to my heart.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!"

Psalm 46:1-3 "God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling. There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just as the break of dawn. The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted. The Lord is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge."

Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice!"

Philippians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
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