Tuesday, August 3, 2010


2 Thessalonians 1:4 "We proudly tell God's other churches about your endurance and faithfulness in all the persecutions and hardships you are suffering."
2 Timothy 4:5 "But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has for you."

1 Peter 2:20-21 "Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in His steps."

James 5:11 "We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy."

I come to my mothers early this morning. I find my daughter exhausted. Almost a whole night of no sleep, only to now leave for a day of school.

I get my mother up and she is not herself. She is looking at me with such anger and her words are anything but comforting. We now try giving her her medications and this is a daily battle. This takes almost one hour. One hour of me telling her to shallow. I call the doctor and I am left waiting. Wondering. She now sleeps as I sit here and write.

I grab my mom's bible. Not really sure why. I have my own here. But I think I am just wanting a glimpse of hope. To touch something that is her. It is filled with pictures and words. Words before me that are now bringing fresh tears. She has written down everything of our lives. When me and my daughter shot our first deer. When our family pets died. When my girls left the country for vacations. Everything you can think of is written here. I see my dad's birth and death and next to hers I find her birthday and a blank space she has for her death. I am amazed at how she has recorded all this information. She has cards I have given her. Letters that were special to her. I find a letter with my name on it. Should I open it? What will it mean if I do? I sit for a while thinking about it and decide to open it. I find words of comfort from her. Words of forgiveness and love. A letter she must have written a few years back. I now see a piece of my mom here in my hands. I find her love.

I realize in this moment God not only give me His love, but has blessed me with a piece of my mother's love I am so wanting to see.

She is not herself. She says things she would never say. She can grow angry in her confusion and turn into a child in her pain.

I go outside for some air and I reach down, smelling her rose bush by the front door. I see the baby rose buds not yet bloomed. Those that are fully open and giving a fragrant smell in their beauty. I look down and see those that have withered. They have fallen off. The edges are darkened. They look frail, but in that frailness I see the simple beauty they have held for so long. In this moment I find hope. For each one that has fallen off there is new life again. New blossoms to cover those that have faded. With each trial that comes there are new blossoms to be seen. A new fragrance to smell. Even after life has gone, the whole bush gives off a fragrance of the legacy it leaves behind.

As I continue to look through her bible again I find not only more letters, but words of wisdom. Little blessings she must look at to get her through those trials she keeps secret. Those days in which we know nothing of.

Today all I have is hope. A hope that she will recover and come back to us. I am thankful the Lord shows me hope in these small yet amazingly huge moments. They are like little hugs from heaven. Hugs of love that seem to let you know all will be okay. Even the smallest amount of light makes a darkroom come to life.

If you are going through a trial today, know the Lord will see you through. He will give you little glimmers of hope. Little bursts of light and fill you with hope. Each day we make a choice to go on or give up. In the Lord we can find everything we need to move forward, letting the pain of yesterday go. Reach for Him today. May His peace cover you.


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