Today as I listen to this song I know the Lord is working in me. He is forever teaching me my life is not my own. I struggle each day with my flesh. My flesh says, "It's my life!!" But the Lord gently whispers, "Your life is not your own, my daughter." It is that whisper that brings tears. It is that whisper that brings peace to this heart that is going through every emotion possible today. As my mother is now staying with us, I am fighting this battle within. This battle is causing me to question myself. Am I the daughter I am to be? Or am I the daughter who wants her own life?
I love my mother. I want to give to my mother. I want to care for my mother. But even today her mind is not the same. I am watching her each day move into a grey area of not knowing what is around her. There are moments of pure clarity and others where nothing seems to make sense. I don't know where I am in all that confusion. I think at times I am right along there with her as all these changes come into my life.
I must surrender all. Everything. I know in order for the Lord to move through me I must give up myself so that He can live through me. So I ask, "How much?" What is it I hear? "All". Jesus gave all for me. He didn't just give what was comfortable, but He gave everything. I know I am to be a willing vessel for the Lord. What is hard is being tired. Not knowing what is coming next. As I go through this time I ask you to pray for me. I want to be that woman for God. I want to have a heart like Christ. I want to give. But somewhere in all this I am losing myself. I don't want to be a person with regrets. I don't want to look back over time and say, "I wish I would have." I want to serve with a full heart, a willing heart. But my question keeps coming back to, "What if I can't?" Again I hear the sweet voice of Jesus say, "You are not alone. I am with you."
My friend wherever you are today, hear the sweetness of His voice calming you. This song is one that brings it all together for me. I pray it is a blessing for you also. Whatever you are going through this day, know that without a doubt you are not alone. You have a loving God standing in the gap for you. He is forever with us. As I surrender all, He lives in me. As I surrender all He is alive and working in me. As I surrender myself, I gain so much more by allowing the Lord to move throughout me doing His will and way. My life is to bring Him glory and honor.
Lord, as I care for my mom, please give me patience. Give me grace. Reach into my soul and fill me with all I need today. I need your strength and your presence in my life. Live through me, touching my mother with love. I need to hear from You. I need to feel You today. As I open my heart, help me to fight my flesh. Help me to surrender all.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only run person gets the prize? So fun to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others myself might be disqualified."
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."