Wednesday, April 14, 2010

what are you trying to cover up?

As God looks at the heart of man and the world looks to the outer man, what is it that you are trying so hard to cover up? We tend to have so much going on inside, we hide whats real, and put on the fake so others see something different than who we really are.
We can purchase concealer to cover up those imperfections on our face. Whether we cover them up or not they are still there. We all take our make up off one stroke at a time at night before bed. We take off those designer jeans, those heals that we have walked in all day killing our feet, and we take those clips out of our hair that have held it so perfectly in place for all to see, and what do we have? We have the real us, down to the flesh and bone. When we look into the mirror what is it that you see? Do you see all that God sees? Do you see the beauty or do you see the world's view of beauty? The world's view of beauty doesn't last, and its about as fake as you can get. I don't want to be fake. I want to be real. I don't want to cover up my imperfections any longer. I want to see myself as Jesus sees me.

It takes me about 30 minutes to get ready to walk out the door. It didn't use to be that way. I remember in high school waking up two hours early just to do my hair and make up. That might be why my grades were not up to par. It wasn't because I didn't know, it wasn't because I wasn't smart, I just had my priorities all mixed up. I was more concerned with what others saw in me as I walked down the hall. I was more concerned with my outer than my inner. I wanted to cover up what was in the inside, because I didn't think I was good enough. That is where the anorexia came in, the bulimia started, and my life swirled out of control.

I didn't really fit into one group of people. High school was hard. I liked all kinds of different people, but there was a battle going in my inner and I wasn't quite sure of who I was. Finding myself was a long road, and I am still finding myself, but now I am finding myself in Christ and His love, not the view of the world any longer.

I use to base my worth on what I looked like, who my friends were, and what I was doing on the weekend. We can still live in those high school years. We can still be so fascinated with the outer, the inner forgets who he or she is, and we begin to lose our way. We can get so fixated on stuff that we forget that stuff does not define who we are. I no longer worry about being in the in crowd. I am probably in the outer crowd, dancing to my own drum, to the music the Lord has set before me. It takes maturity, it takes growth, and letting go to move forward, and really find who we are in the Lord.

When the Lord was walking through His ministry, I can't picture Him in front of a mirror for hours getting ready before He went down to the well. I can't picture Him saying, "Wait, I don't have time to study with you yet, I must get ready first." Gosh, ever find yourself there? We can take so much time on ourselves we forget its not about us. Its all about Him.

Now, if your a close friend of mine, you know I never leave my house without a shower. I still can't. I am working on that still today. I leave without my make up, for I rarely wear it in the summer months, but I struggle still yet today with how others will perceive me. I always want to look my best, but I am learning it doesn't matter. There is a time and place for those nice clothes and dress up, but for the most part, each day given is wasted on so much preparing before we leave the house. Think about it. How long does it take you to get ready? If it takes you hours to get ready, the focus is on the wrong things.

I don't want others to see me, I want others to Him. Once you battle with anorexia and bulimia you never stop. It is a battle that lasts forever, but with the strength of God, you can over come. I still today look in the mirror and see someone who is fat. Although I know the scales do not say that. I know the size of my clothes do not state that, but in my head I see it clearly. I have a hard time understanding why God sees beauty in me. But whether I grasp why or not, His love is still there. He designed me, He created me, and in through me there is a glimpse of Him, and that is where the beauty shines through.

The more I try to cover up the less you see of Him. The more real we are, the more beauty that shines through. We must stop trying to compare ourselves to others. We must stop looking to this world for the measure of beauty. For there is beauty in all of God's creation.

Its not the clothes that make the woman. Its not her friends she has circled around her. Its not all the stuff she gathers. Jesus makes the woman and how well we wear Him. Its our virtues, its our faith, its our walk, its our morals, its our speech, its our attitude, its our grace and mercy we share with others. Our beauty is in the inside, right there in that God spot He is has given us.

As we grow in faith and wisdom we begin to see the real beauty not only in others, but in ourselves. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful, my children do,and my mother thinks I'm gorgeous. Even though I hear those words I still struggle inside just as I did when I was younger. Beauty is not a size 2 when your starving yourself to get there. Beauty is not plastic surgery to bring everything up that has fallen. Beauty is not how much you have, but the pureness, the realness, and the love we carry in our hearts.

When we can look in the mirror and see beauty we are looking at the image of Christ. When we can look to ourselves and accept who we are, we are seeing His grace. When we can step out the door in the realness of who we are, others will see Jesus, and isn't that the whole point?

Don't keep covering up the real you. Let the real you shine before others, and they might just get a glimpse of the beauty of the One who created you and I.

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Psalm 139:14 "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
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