Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Oh, the changes that are coming

It seems there are always changes in our lives. Each day brings new change, but its what we do with that change that makes the difference. Over the next few months more changes are coming into my path. Although these changes are wonderful, it is change none the less.
Soon, my husband will be back to work, and I will write about that praise soon. He has been home with me now for almost two years with his lay off. Although it is a tremendous blessing for him to go back to work, there is a change there in him not being here with me daily. Through those two years I have gotten use to his presence here.

My son has finished his last lesson of school. He is now finished and ready to move forward, spreading his wings. It is time for me to put up all those home school books, the paper, the pens, the maps, and this for me is a hard step. I have had the greatest pleasure of teaching him for twelve years now. As I taught his sisters before him, now he is the last to leave the table.

My youngest daughter will be married this Spring. The baby girl is on her way to dance into a new home, a new life, and be all the Lord has created her to be. To watch your daughter grow into a beautiful woman before your eyes is a gift. To stand and see her in her white gown, walking down that aisle into the arms of the young man she loves will bring tears to this mother's eyes. Tears of joy, and tears of letting go.

As my oldest daughter is now pregnant with her first baby, I will be find myself being a grandma in the fall. I am so very excited for her new adventure. To watch her grow and hold her own baby soon brings tears to my eyes as I write just thinking about the beauty she holds within her heart.

As all these changes are wonderful and a sight to behold, this mom is finding herself sitting back thinking, "What next?" If you are not here yet, you don't know these feelings that are trapped within my heart. If you have been here, you know exactly how I am feeling. As new beginnings are here, there is also an end to others. I will not get up early preparing for a school day again. This has been part of my life for sixteen years now. Some may look at this and say, "Wow, you have all this new freedom now, what are you sad about?" It's not that I am sad. But it's more of a new beginning for me too. This letting go process takes time. As our children are growing and ready to spread their wings, as a mom your life is changing just the same.

When I define myself, part of that definition is a mother and a teacher. So, my new definition of a mother is changing as my children are growing. My definition of teacher will also change. I am looking forward to the new beginnings, but am just a bit terrified to let go, and spread my wings also. I think that's really it. When we let go of our children, we are walking into new ground, unexplored territory, the unknown is scary, but kind of exciting too. Its that big question, "What next?" that hits me. I can think that I will have serious time to write now. I am free to do anything! For me, that's a bit frightening. I think I like the fact of having children at home, and a schedule. Finding the business of the day is something I am used to, so that "What now?" kind of hits hard. I am used to having my hands full, and focusing on my children. So now that focus changes, and I am not quite sure what to do with that.

So as this dance keeps going, as these changes keep coming, the only thing, the belief I have to hold on to is that God is not finished with me yet. This too is a new beginning for me. As I take these new steps I trust He will fill me with all I need. As these changes come, He too is changing me, preparing me to spread my wings. I am excited to see where these wings are going to take me.

Wow, to have my husband walk through the door again each evening from work is just amazing. I don't think I even have words to explain this. These will be great changes for him also. I am so proud of him. He has shown me great faith in his patience. He too has grown through these two years. The Lord never ceases to amaze me at His wonder.

When we got our computer about a year and a half ago, I had forgotten how to type. Now this is one class in school I did get an A in. So, we had this little CD, "How to learn typing". I am not even sure where it came from. So, each day I got up and worked on this typing, and after a while I had it down. I was no longer hen pecking, but flying through the keys. It wasn't too long after this I began my blog. And now I hear that call, "It's time". See, although I began my book, I really didn't have time to take it seriously. I was still teaching school, and that took much time. So now, that door is opening for a new chapter in this girl's life.

Change comes each day. I could sit back and wallow in tears. Believe me, this girl will cry, and I will cry for a while, watching my little guy spread his wings and leave home. When I see my daughter walk the aisle, wow, I just need to cover myself in tissue. When I see that first grand baby, wow, these eyes will be filled with praise. When my husband takes that step back out into this working world I will shout for joy! When I sit in this empty house for the first time I might just fall apart, but I know the Lord is right there and He will show me just what to do, and He will fill my time with all the things He has for me. So see, its all in how we change with these changes.

If you are facing changes, don't fear them, embrace them with your eyes wide open, and see all the beauty before you that God has to fill your heart and time! Change is good, change is here knocking on my door, and I think this girl is ready to answer.
Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
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