Monday, April 5, 2010

he loves me he loves me not

Ah, the games of our childhood. Do you remember picking up that daisy and counting those petals in hopes there would be just enough to land on he love me? Oh the sweetness of being in love, but the heartache of not receiving that love you feel so deeply hurts. As little girls we played that love game, and I am sure if truth be told there were a few boys that joined in. They were always trying to learn our secrets, right?
I remember picking one petal off at a time, and sometimes I might just pick two off and say, "Oops" just to giggle and say, "Wow, he really loves me." We play games like that don't we? Still today as married couples we can lose track of the realness, getting lost in what we want and don't have.

Those first date nights are great aren't they? Holding hands, flowers, kisses that never end, and everything just has a sweetness to it, and then you marry. Now, those first years are still moving right along in that romantic turn, until what? Ah, that first babe comes, and life changes forever. Now that precious babe has become your center of attention, and you begin to let other things go. You see less of those little notes, the flowers come and go, and those date nights? They are long gone by the time child number four comes along. Am I hearing any amens out there?

Now after you have six children, two dogs, a few cats, and the hamster is lost somewhere in the basement you are good to find your brain in the morning, much less go for a romantic evening out. After you have fed the baby, you have spit up all down your shirt, and poo in your hair you realize the dog needs to go out, only to find he has already gone. Your doing the laundry, the lunch is burning, the kids are screaming, the school work is not being completed, and Sarah just ate something that was on the floor! Little Katie loves to draw on everything in sight, and now its almost five o'clock and you have no idea whats for supper and just realized you didn't even eat breakfast!

Your husband comes home, kicks off his shoes, and says, "What's for dinner hon?" You try to explain how busy you were all the while he is looking around and says, "At what?" By this time you are ready to grab the bat your son has been swinging at the cat all day and take one good swing!

By the time you finally get to dinner, the kids have their bath, the dogs have been all taken out, the kitchen is almost clean, and that last load is being put in the dryer, you now get to crawl into bed, forgetting about your bath as your head hits the pillow, and you hear from your loving husband, "Ya wanna you know?"

Now is when the tears start to fall and you try to explain how you feel, but he doesn't hear a word you are saying, because you have totally lost touch on how to communicate as you once did so lovingly as you laid your head upon his shoulder and fell asleep.

After your kids are almost out of the house now, you find its just you and your husband, and you are lost at what to do. He says, "What would you like to do this weekend?" You answer saying, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" You may go out for the day, but if you do all you talk about is which thing reminds you of which child, or you may just decide to stay home and do nothing because you couldn't decide where to go!

Marriage is not any easy thing to accomplish. There are changes throughout marriage and different seasons together. We get so confused when we can't communicate right. If we do not know one an other's love language we are never going to understand each other no matter how much we try. Ever feel like your talking to a wall? There ya go.

I have gone through many of these stages, and I gotta tell ya its not a piece of cake as it was dating years ago. Oh, the love is still there, its just gotten misplaced over the years. We have put so many other things before our marriage, that now we have forgotten how to have one.

I have been talking to my husband like I want to be talked to, but he hasn't been hearing a word I have said, just as I am not hearing what he is saying to me, but in our own language we are trying to communicate. My love language is words of affirmation, so that's how I have been speaking to my husband. That is not his love language, so therefore there is the confusion we have been feeling.

My Pastor always says that we need to knock ourselves out trying to please the other, but if we are not learning how our spouse needs to be loved we are not moving forward but backward.

Without communication we have nothing. We can have all the love in the world, but if we are not communicating that we find ourselves feeling lonely and wanting.

We can lose our way so quickly. We spend years finding our joy in our children, and once that time is passing, well, we find that we have missed out on a lot of date nights. We can't allow that to happen. We must place our marriage right where it should be, first. If our marriage is strong, our children will see that and grow to have strong marriages. They want to see their parents in love, and showing that love. When we take the time for one another our lives as a whole are more special and meaningful.

Now, my husband worked very hard. He would go to work, plus work at home and once it got dark he was ready for bed also. We get tired. We get over worked, and we put too much on our plates. We try to gain the world, when all we need to do is love who is right in front of us. Its not the things of this world that are important, its the people in it.

If you are tired, I know how you feel. If you are feeling lost, and lonely, I too know that. I know the feeling of wanting more and not knowing how to do it. I want to talk until the sun comes up. I want those date nights, and I want my marriage restored and renewed. So how do I begin? On my knees. There is nothing more powerful than prayer my friends. If we are lacking there is one reason why. We are not asking for it, and the Lord wants our marriages to be strong, rock solid towers of love.

Its time to turn off the television, book down the book, (ouch) and take some time for what we have taken for granite for so long now.

That saying "How do you spell love?" You spell it "TIME". May we learn to communicate. May we learn to let other things go, and take time to hold hands, say sweet words, and find out each others passions and dreams. That love you have is mighty special, and to make it last, to make it real, and to make it grow is going to take work. Too many give up too soon. We walk out without trying, and we say goodbye before we really learned to say hello.

Make the Lord the light and passion of your life. Make Him the center of your marriage, and rap everything else around Him. May He be that third strand holding you and binding you together stronger than ever before. Its never too late to renew, to re think, and to rekindle that love somewhere you lost in those diapers.

Lord, strengthen our marriages. Bind us together with You. May you bless us, and meet every need we have. May our marriages bring glory and honor to You. Help us to find that sweetness we once held so tight when our eyes first met, and our hands first touched.
Ephesians 5:22-33 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and the wife see that she respects her husband."
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