Saturday, March 20, 2010

not another one

As I sit here in the quiet of my home writing this morning my head is pounding, my shoulders are stretching the limits of my pain, and my body is weak from doing chores yesterday. Do you wake with pain daily? There are many that do. Many wake each morning wishing it was a different day and a different time in their lives where pain didn't effect everything they did.
As fibromyalgia takes a hold and tries to bring me down, and as these migraines come in the midst of when I have something planned I find myself crying out to God to remove them, just let me have a day without pain. Just let me keep the plans I had with my girlfriend, and allow my attitude not to reflect over on my husband calling out for me.

Yesterday I was living in a fog. As great news came my way I was overjoyed, but the fog still took over my day as it does many of them. I now keep a notebook in my purse to write down everything so I can remember. I also have begun to keep jots of little sayings in my phone to always remind me that God is near. Just as if you are driving home on a foggy day and cannot see what is up ahead, this too is the feeling of fibro. You want your mind to be clear so much, and you fight this battle with others not understanding why your not chipper today.

For me, my pain travels from place to place. Last week is was my back, this week it is in my shoulders, and just about everywhere. My husband tries to hug me gently, but the pain hurts so bad I cringe, making him feel as though he has done something to hurt me. All you want is a hug, and it hurts too bad to receive one.

Please don't think I am whining to you. I am not. I am simply sharing for I know others go through the same pain and are afraid to share. There is nothing to be afraid of, if anything, sharing sets you free. It brings a peace to your soul that is fighting down in the depths of your being.

I am learning to accept this gift of fibromyalgia as my friend. It may not be one that is liked very much, but through this "friend" the Lord has brought blessings, and He has brought understanding where there was none before. This friend has brought others into my life to help one another carry these dark burdens. The Lord has given me the gift of mercy more clearer for others, and has helped to encourage me to reach out to others more than before. I am not going to be defined by these diseases, but as they are part of my life I cannot ignore them, they are real, and alive.

Just as Paul had a thorn in his side, he learned to grow as that thorn brought much more than pain. It brought Him closer to God and God was able to use Paul in his weakest moments and show him that through all nothing is without gain. As Paul carried this thorn, he also moved and never stopped sharing the word of God. If anything he was more aware of those around him.

Whatever you are carrying today, know you are not alone, and you can be used greatly of God just where you are. In the midst of our weakness is where God's strength shines through.

Hold your head up, stay steady in your faith, and walk in such a way that your life points to Christ Jesus.

Lord, in my pain today may I bring you glory. If it is Your will heal my pain, take these diseases away from me, but if it is Your will for them to stay, give me Your strength and guidance to walk this road before me with a new found freedom in You. Give me courage to face each day, and the heart to keep reaching out to others.
Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."


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