Friday, November 27, 2009

sweep it under the rug?

Have you ever had the feeling there was an elephant in the room? Maybe you were walking on egg shells? So many times we put on face, we try to move forward pretending all that is there isn't. We smile, we hug, but between those is the biggest fear of letting go. We try so hard to sweep things under the rug, we sweep and we sweep, but pretty soon, we trip right over the rug that has been hiding all that is so real. We cannot move forward and pretend there is not pain there. To bring healing we must face the elephant in the room. We have to let go of our fear to have peace. There cannot be peace if we are still holding onto pain, anger and bitterness. Many things are misunderstandings, miscommunications, and those things left unspoken have a way of coming up out of the water and pulling you in. Not just in, but under, and into the deep where that riptide is trying to force you out further and further, but you can't escape until you find a new way out, calm down and release the fear you are holding onto. How do I know? Because that is my life right now. I try so hard to hide under the smiles and the sunshine, but the pain is still raw and satan knows just how to creep up and steel away what blessings you have found and try his best to turn them into something ugly. I have relationships with those I love that just when I think we are beginning to skate through the ice, it shatters and in we fall, to the icy cold beneath us. Pain is something we all go through, just in different ways, there are times we can take pain relievers, but they just mask the pain, the cause is still there. So how must we get rid of the pain? We go to the Great Physican, the Great Healer, and we fight all our battles on our knees. We pray until we have no words left, until the Lord takes over with His groanings. He knows just where we are and how deep we are in. The hardest part of any relationship is letting go. For me, that is where I seem to be. I cannot ignore the elephant in the room any longer. However big all my hurts are, I have to give them to the Lord. I must ask Him for strength, and pray for His wisdom. I did that all night long, asking for His blessings, asking Him to wash over me, and I felt His sweet presence with me, telling me to hold on sweet daughter. Sometimes we know others better than they themselves do. Sometimes things must be said, although the truth may hurt, the truth will set us free of the past, of the pain and let us move on to a better way, a better day. I am praying for a way to remove that elephant from my family's life. I am trusting in God that He will make a way, that He will move in us, but it must be all in His time, not mine. We cannot force healing, just as we cannot ignore pain. I know when I had wrist surgery. It was the most painful surgery I have ever had, infact I had two of them within two years. I had to go to re-hab, I had to work so hard to move though the pain to get to the healing. As the tears fell at each visit, my therapist pushed me, she knew exactly how bad it hurt, but she also knew to be able to use my wrist again I had to go through such pain first. God works in our lives this way, through our trials, through the pain He creates in us His work of art. We do not get perfection without going through the fire. Heaven will be our perfection, earth is our fire and through those flames God is going to shine, His glory is going to be known to all, we just have to trust in Him, take that broom out of our hands, and place our faith in Him. There is healing in forgiveness, for we must let go of the weight of our pain so we can begin to spead our wings and fly~
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