Tuesday, September 29, 2009

whats with all the gossip?

Today my son is struggling with gossip. Not him gossiping, but others about him. So what do you with this? You try to teach your child, it doesn't matter what others think or say, be yourself and don't worry about what others have to say. Its not so easy for a teenager to understand. They want to fit in, they want to have friends, they want to be loved, liked, and accepted. Many times this isn't so with so many teenagers. As parents we need to really listen, because to them, the pain is so real, and they are not yet adults, they cannot yet fathom what a forty year old will know after learning as life has taught them. Kids should be free to be themselves, they should be able to express themselves, to live out a childhood without pain, not just from children, but from adults gossiping. When I was a child in the 8th grade I was one of those popular kids, I got along with everyone, I was blessed or so I thought with many friends. In my 8th grade year all turned upside down for me. Now you have to remember, even then in 8th grade kids were not as they are today, things seem to keep getting worse. In that year a boy seemed to like me. He was the first boy ever I liked. Well, needless to say, another young girl liked him, and although he didn't like her, she began gossip about me. It was mean gossip, what other kind is there really? With her gossip, this one girl was able to turn a whole class against me, even my friends were afraid to speak to me, afraid they too would get beat up. See, for the rest of that year, I got beat up everyday, mostly in P.E, and in the hallways. They just didn't seem to care what was happening, and stayed out of all that was happening to me. I would go home daily and cry, even crying myself to sleep. I didn't understand anything that was happening, but I bet there are others out there that have felt the very same. One of the last days of school I was in P.E. and the girls surrounded me, pushing me and hitting me, they had a jug of something, and were laughing. They told me they were going to pour acid all over my pretty face so no more boys would like me. I was terrified, as they poured, I cried, for this was not acid, but coolaid, running all down my head unto my white shirt I happened to wear that day, a new shirt that my mom has just bought me. I was told, if I came back my freshman year they would kill me. As a straight A student, my grades dropped to F's and I no longer cared about school, or teachers. My life as I knew it was over. That next year I ended up going to a private school, but the damage was already done. It took me a very long time to get over that period in my life. As I was older I decided to go to Cosmetology school. Later on as I was finally working, I was getting ready at my station, and my first client comes and has a seat. It was one of the girls that helped to make my life change forever. As she looked up at me with sissors in my hand, she looked into my eyes and knew who I was right away. She quickly had tears in her eyes,(at first, I thought she was afraid, for I now had sissors in my hands above all her hair) but the tears were of regret. She asked my name, although she already knew it, as the tears were streaming down her face, she appologized for all she had done, and told me over the years she had thought about me, and how mean they were to me. She was not the only girl to come into the shop in which I worked, and she was not the last to shed tears, nor appologize. See, the pain we cause others, all the while we think we are being cool and funny, doesn't just hurt one, it also hurts the other, the one causing the pain at the time. Maybe not then, but down the road, maybe someone is mean to them and they remember, or maybe their daughter will be as I was and come home daily with tears, afraid of school. We send our children to school to grow, to learn, to have friends and experience life. Today they experience even much more than I did. We must have open ears, have open hearts and be there for our children. Don't be so as to tell them, "Its okay, its gonna blow over, or Don't worry about them, you just do your thing." Its not so easy, and kids shouldn't have to go through that pain, and they should never have to go through that pain from adults gossiping about things they have no idea of. We are to be their examples, and for my son, some of his very examples are the ones gossiping. We should remember how we want to be treated, for the kind of friends you want, you should be. Take time and listen to your children, look for the signs that something is wrong, and take the time to help them along. No child should be left to fend for themselves, or just face it to be stronger, it doesn't work out that way. As a child, as a teen, that is one of the most important times in our lives. It is a time when we are figuring out who we are, what we want to become in life. When others are against you, it changing you, and its harder than ever to love, forgive, and to receive others with open arms. May we teach our children how to love and respect others, and may we stand and be the examples they need~
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