Monday, September 7, 2009

do you really know what you have?

That old saying, "You don't know what you have until its gone", is so true ladies. A few days ago my husband left on a motorcycle trip with his brother up north. It was a ride he has always wanted to take and finally got the opportunity to do so. I find myself waiting for his call, wondering where he is and just what he is doing. I find myself missing him more each day that he is gone. So many times we really do not know just what we have until its gone. I find myself at times thinking, I wish I had some time alone, I find myself saying the dumbest things to my husband when he is trying to spend time with me. I find myself saying, "I have to get this done, I must finish this writing thing, I have to finish the laundry", and the list can go on and on. We can get aggrivated at one another, and I can wish we just had time apart to figure things out. Ashamedly I think,"If I could just have a free day alone to myself I could have some peace." There are those days where the house is dirty, and where I seem to find the time to complain about everything around me. Why do we do these things to the ones we love? Why do those words come out of our mouths that hurt the other we love? I can get so caught up in all I have to do, I put my husband at the end of the line, and I am so sorry for that. After eighteen years of marriage we have been on a rollercoaster at times, trials come and seem to take everything out of you, but between all those trials we have had the blessings far out way them. At times when I am hurting I can take things out on him without even knowing what I am doing. I remember when he used to travel over the road, I would cry when I knew it was time for him to leave, and as I stood at the door waving as he pulled out of the drive with tears in my eyes, I would stand there alone praying for him, and asking God to protect him and bring him home safe. When I could hear the truck coming down the road I would be so overjoyed to see him. When he would be gone, I would wait for the phone to ring, only to hang up crying missing him so much. I know at times when my husband is home, he may be a different room and I may be sitting here writing, but I know he there, I know he is in the next room over. I am forever grateful to God for giving me a hand to hold, a hand that mine fits in perfect, an arm to wrap around me, and a soft kiss on my forehead just when I need that. When I catch him looking at me, and then I turn to ask,"What is it", he will at times tell me just how pretty I look. I am blessed to have him for my husband, and I so long for him to get home. So often words go unspoken that so need to be said. We take each other for granit at times, and we should never do that. That kiss at the door may the last, that good morning may be the last words, we never know what the day shall bring forth to us, so why do we live it as we have a thousands to live? I remember that first kiss, our first date, just about our first everything, and for me, I pray we have many new firsts together as our hair turns gray, as our bodies grow old, and as our eyes still speak the words, "I love you" with just one look. Just knowing he is here brings me joy, just hearing his voice still makes my heart flutter. Its time for me to stop complaining, to stop putting other things first, and place my husband just where he needs to be, right there in my heart where God intended when we said our vows. Today I call myself a blessed woman, a blessed wife to the husband God so placed right in my path. To him I say thank you for your love, your life and all you give~


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