Friday, September 11, 2009

am I ever nagging?

As I opened my bible this morning in Proverbs a verse jumped out at me. It says, "Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Proverbs 21:9 I had to ask myself if I am ever contentious with my husband. Do I nag him to do things, to get things done, do I make room for him in day, do I make him feel special? Those are some hard questions to ask and even harder to answer. To start, I have to say I love my husband being the man of the house and I never try to take his place. I never talk over him, I never make him feel less of a person infront of others, and I certainly do not put him down infront of others. So I have to sit back and say, "Well goody for you, but look at the things you do do to him!" As a husband and wife we should be making each other feel special, to feel needed and loved. We are in a partnership together, but this partnership is not one sided. We both add to our marriage, we both have to be giving our best to each other. And never ask of him what I am not willing to do myself. Marriage is a learning process, we learn from mistakes, we learn from each other and we have God teaching us how to be toward one another. No man wants to come home from work to a nagging wife. No man wants his wife to wear the pants so to speak, taking his manhood away. A man often defines his self worth by his family, his wife, his kids, and his job. He defines himself that if he is taking care of his family he is doing good. A woman often defines herself in her home, her children and in her husband. We should be defining ourselves in who we are with Christ. If we are looking to Him daily, we will follow in His steps of love, compassion, and forgiveness. If we are walking with Him daily, we will treat our husbands or wives with respect and love. We do not keep score, and keep track of the wrongs so we can only bring them up three months later when we are in a heated discussion. I have to admit that there are times when I am not treating my husband as I should. There are times when I speak the wrong words, when I make time for all I have, except for him. At times I think we look to marriage as this is what I want and what I need, and we are not too concerned about what our husband is needing at the moment. Our husbands need encouragement too, they need to know they are loved, and needed. They need to hear from our lips that we love them. Find out what your husband's love language is and make him feel the love that you are desiring to feel too. Often there is such a communication gap between us. I say one thing, but he thinks I am meaning another, and then the conflict begins to grab hold. What is wrong with us that we can not sit down and take the time to really learn about each other? For me, I know my husband knows me better than any other person, at times even myself. He knows my looks, my attitudes, and when I am feeling poorly he can tell by just looking into my eyes. I find myself so thankful for him. About a month ago I was in the emergency room with pain. I found it hard to walk upright. As we were walking back to my room, my husband takes my purse without asking, and carries it for me. (He would want me to let you know he didn't dangle it, he held it like a football!) I want to make my husband feel special, I don't want to find myself being that contentious woman that nags him when I feel that something needs to be done. I have to ask myself, "How would it make me feel to be nagged at? I would have to say, I would feel less of person. We are in this marriage together as equals, there is not one who stands over the other. Today I am more wise about being a wife than I was eighteen years ago, but I am still learning, I am still making mistakes just as my husband does. I want to have a marriage that lasts for more than fifty years. For those who have marriages that have lasted a lifetime, they hold something special, they hold much wisdom to be learned from. I hope my husband is proud of who I am, and he loves me for me, nothing that I do, but just the pure love of my heart. I have so much to learn still today, but today I am going to begin working on those things I know I need to change. God is good at showing us just what we need at just the right time. But walking with Christ daily can change the way we walk with others. For my husband I must say, I love him more today than when we first married. To know that he is there by my side makes all the difference in world when the world seems to be against me. I want to have a marriage that the Lord can look down upon and smile, knowing that we are together with Him, a bond that cannot be broken.
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