I've been quiet in my writing. I sit down at the computer to share my thoughts and my fingers are numb to the keys. I ponder just what I should share. So much to share, but nothing comes. I have never come to my computer without something to share. I have been so hard on myself for not writing. It's always come so easy.
Life happens, right? We get busy and other things come first. But this is so much more. I have realized I have been stumbling over my own writing because of being fearful to share the real. I cannot be fearful of what others may think or even if they can relate. I simply have to be transparent and follow the instruction of the Lord.
Friends, I am so tired. I feel empty at times and this isn't something normal. But it has been building since October 12th when my husband was hit by a drunk driver. Life changed for us. In that very moment everything changed. I have been squashing my emotions. I just keep pushing myself forward, but I simply can't move being numb to reality. I have to allow my emotions to come full force so I continue in this life we are now living. If just one life is changed. Just one person reads my writing and decided to not drink a drive, well then, it's all worth it.
Every single aspect of our lives has changed. I've cried out to God. I've that question we all ask when life's earthquakes shake us to the core. "Why, Lord?" What do I know? God didn't do this. A drunk driver did. We now live the consequences of their actions. They get to carry on with their normal every day life. They get to hire defense attorneys to fight for their poor actions of that night. And us? We try to move forward. To pick up broken pieces that are shattered. How does one do that? How can you move forward when so much has changed? When your husband is still facing such tremendous issues from this person who chose to alter life by their own selfishness?
Drunk drivers. How is it that you picture them? You know, they look just like us. They fit into the every day world, but there's something drastically different. They live with the idea that they are Superman. Except for the fact that Superman didn't break the law. He had the interests of others first. He wasn't selfish. He was about saving mankind. A drunk is about self. They think they can handle their drink. A long day of work, a weekend they have longed for, a night they think they deserve. They think they are bigger, better than other drunks. But see, a drunk is a drunk.
How would you define drunk? Drunk cannot be measured by a number because alcohol affects every person differently. Intoxicated, inebriated, these are words that describe one who has consumed alcohol. When you choose to get behind the wheel of a vehicle there is NO way your driving isn't impaired.
There's always that first time you receive a DWI. Maybe you have already had a DWI and with funds you had tucked away for a rainy day you used that money to get this extinguished from your record. You're feeling really lucky now and instead of taking this second chance to do something good, to never drink and drive again, you use this get out of jail free card to do it again. After all, you're not like other drunks, right? Your better. You wouldn't ever cause a crash.
Maybe you aren't stopped when you know you should be. You feel lucky? You pull in your drive, get out of your car, and make your way inside. Another night you made it. How many of these nights have you taken for granted? How many of these nights could you have taken a life? You should feel disgusted enough to change! Count this as your second chance. Think about the variables that could have happened.
Reality for thousands of people whose lives are drastically altered by people who with their second chance made the choice to destroy life. They didn't get that chance to pull in their drive way and make it safely inside. They didn't have the opportunity because of you. Because of your choice to drive impaired. Maybe you never get a second chance. Maybe it's the first time you make the choice to drink and drive. All it takes is one time. One time to tear apart life.
The five bucks you spent on a drink, the dollars you have laid on the bar, the tip you gave the server, maybe it's the bottle you purchased, a girls night, an after baseball gathering, was it worth it? Was your night, your morning, your moment of self all worth it to see families changed forever? The lives you have changed are valuable! Life ended, life altered, love lost, broken lives. It's a reality for people just like me whose lives have been forever changed by people who by their own choices smash into the lives of others and give us a world we didn't want but now own. You may think you deserve a night out, but the family you crash into doesn't deserve the life you have now given them. Today make a choice to change!
This is the song that was playing in the early morning hour when I placed the key in the ignition to find my way to my husband at the hospital. Tears fell as I opened my hands to the Lord. Without Him I am not sure if we could make this journey. Without Him I don't know where we would be. But what I do know is that with Him we have everything. With Him we have hope. With Him we have strength to face this journey we now walk.
I don't know your circumstances today, my friend. May today be the day you surrender all to Him.