Skip to main content

Shaping My Heart

If you have been following me for a while now you know that I have had a bit of waiting to do. Back in March I had surgery on my thumb. That next month I found a lump in my neck. (Check out my blog post, "Fears Come in All Kinds of Shapes and Sizes Especially a Lump"). I have felt a bit like my heart has been in my throat. You know that feeling. You're wondering. You're scared. Your mind is already wandering in every direction even before you know the direction you're about to go.

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways." Psalm 139:1-3

The week after finding the lump I found myself at the doctor. Next month I found myself sitting in the surgeon's office. He ordered an ultrasound. More waiting. Waiting to see the results. Waiting to know the next steps we would be taking. My heart was in a stir.

"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You." Psalm 25:4-5

My husband sat yesterday in the doctor's office with me. My knees weren't shaking. My heart was calm. Everything about me felt safe and secure. Yes, some of that was felt because of my sweet husband, but my soul was feeling comfort and strength from our mighty Lord. Oh, there is nothing as sweet as His presence with us. He turns fear into calm. I can attest that you can have shaky knees and still know without a doubt God is in control. I have come to understand that I can still feel fear even in the midst of my great faith.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

A few days earlier I had been walking out in our front yard just enjoying the day. I am geek of trees and birds. (Lol That's a whole other post waiting). Here I was in awe of the Red Bud tree my husband had planted for me years before. It stands much taller than me now. Over the years I've watched the seed pods slowly open and the leaves float gently through the breeze, but as I stood there I seen something so different. I noticed the shape of the leaf. Yes, these shaky leaves, blowing and twisting through the wind on this blustery afternoon, were in the shape of a heart. Steady and strong. Hanging on and the winds twisted them. This was my heart! This ever changing heart of mine. Sometimes so gentle and calm. Others, hanging on for dear life as I feel twisted and blown shaky.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heat greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise His name." Psalm 28:7

These little leaves open in God's perfect timing. Everything is in His perfect timing. Some were just forming. Some were half open. But they were all waiting. Waiting just as I have been waiting. We want to hurry our waiting, don't we?

"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

I can tell you that my news was good. My lump is still there. Hasn't budged an inch. But the doctor isn't worried. He wants to watch it. It's very tiny. In three months we will do another ultrasound and follow-up. If all is good and unchanged then we will repeat that in another six months. But, if there is any kind of change at all he is going to get in there and remove it. Praise Jesus!

Friends, my news could have gone either way. I just as easily could have received news I didn't want to hear. But as my heart grows closer to Jesus I'm understanding more and more that faith comes in all different sizes and shapes. Sometimes our faith is big and sometimes it's small. But God remains the same. He is ever-present and true. He was already waiting at my appointment. He already knew the answers I would be hearing. He knew the questions that would fall from my lips. He knew my entire day.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

I've had to remind myself that I am God's masterpiece. 

"For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

I can trust in Him. 

"For the word of the Lord is right and all His work is trustworthy." Psalm 33:4

He brings everything together in His perfect timing. 

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I too am to live by faith.

"For in it God's righteousness is revealed from faith to faith, just as it is written: The righteous shall live by faith." Romans 1:17

When my knees are shaky and I feel the stem of fear rising up I am to remember that I am a child of the King of kings, Lord of lords! I am to remember where my strength comes from. 

"Yahweh my Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights! 

I still wake to this lump. It could simply disappear. That is my prayer. But it too could grow. That isn't my wish, but just what if God has a plan? There's no what if about it. He does have a plan. Right now part of that plan is for me to share my journey. My strengths and my fears. My shaky knees and my wobbly faith. But one thing I know for certain. I never have to walk my journey alone. He's right here with me. Reminding me in so many ways of His glorious presence.

He too reminds me to continue to pray. I am to pray for His will. In doing so, He is growing in me a, 'no matter what', kind of faith. No matter what is to come, He is with me. I can trust Him in my today because He's already in my tomorrow.

"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." 
Philippians 4:6-7



"God can and will deliver whatever He has promised to us. Do we believe that? If we do, then it only makes sense to put our complete trust in Him, regardless of how dark our circumstances might appear." 
Charles F. Stanley






Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Illusionist's Apprentice by Kristy Cambron

I want to begin this review sharing two reviews I was blessed to do. The Butterfly and The Violinand A Sparrow in Terezin. For me these two novels were masterpieces. Works of such exquisite beauty. They showed that Kristy Cambron is gifted with the pen, a master storyteller. They remain two of my all-time top favorites. 
It was for this reason I was thrilled to be receiving a copy of The Illusionist's Apprentice. Once again Cambron shows us a masterpiece of bringing a story to readers that speaks of faith and our Lord. Although throughout the novel these aspects are not boldly proclaimed, but are masterfully weaved throughout the story. 
Magic and illusion are not the same. I love how she brings this truth. Love that the main character was an apprentice to the master of illusion. She takes the use of being an apprentice and walks that road with integrity and hope. When we choose to walk with Christ we are His apprentices. We are to walk as the main character, Wren Lockhart walked…

The One True Love of Alice-Ann by Eva Marie Everson

Oh, just where do I begin? This is the stuff in which great novels are made. I made my way through this richly beautiful novel turning page after page with such deep emotion and thought. I couldn't turn the pages quick enough, but I didn't want it to end to soon. It's one of those novels you could continue reading as long as there were pages. No page just made of fluff, words with no meaning on the page. Every single line in this novel created a story that will last in my heart forever. 
Ms. Everson, I am so happy stories of the war were shared with you. Oh, to have your Sunday school teacher share with you, "You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose who you marry", is a blessing that has now enchanted your readers. What a story you have weaved together. History penned with such depth, detail, and a story that captures the heart. 
This lovely story begins in 1941. The war has started. Picture a family gathered around the Zenith to hear t…

The" I Am" Makes Us Think About What "i am"

In Genesis 1:26-27 it shares something valuable to each of us about who we are in God. We are created in His image. What I love about this verse below is that is says, "make man in OUR image". What's OUR? The trinity, God, the Holy Spirit, and Christ Jesus. Ponder that. I mean really go deep. We are make in THEIR image. 
"Then God said, "Let US make man in OUR image, according to OUR likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them."
We are His workmanship. He knew us before we were ever born. He weaved us together within the womb, but even before then He planned our life perfectly for us. That's so much to ponder isn't it? 
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared…

The Glassblower by Petra Durst-Benning

I came across this selection on Amazon. I had seen so many reviews that it intrigued me. I had never read anything from this German author. The cover caught my attention as did the description of this novel. 
It's a part of a trilogy. I am getting ready to open up book 2, The American Lady. I cannot wait to begin. I tell you this book marveled me. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. What a journey into another time and place. 
We travel to Germany where this novel is set. The year is 1890 and we find ourselves in Lauscha, Germany. The author did a fantastic job at the perfect description of not only the area, but circumstance, and heart of the characters. Her writing style flows so easily that the pages almost turn themselves. 
The characters are easy to love. Three sisters who are now wondering, after their father had passed from this earth,  how they will now provide for themselves. It isn't going to be easy, but these sisters show us how to prevail over challenges that…

Unexpected Blessings

The last words my dad spoke to me from his hospital bed were, "Rob, take care of your mom." Those are words I have never forgotten. I have not only honored them for my dad, but for my mom. I too am commanded by my Father to honor my mother and father.
"Honor your father and mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12
My mom gave her life in caring for me. On my first birthday, my very first Christmas, was spent in the ICU as I was very sick with pneumonia. A little later I would burn myself with spilled coffee. A few years later I would tumble down many stairs and once again spent time in the hospital. 
I remember all the times I was sick and could feel my mom's hand brush against my forehead as she checked for fever. All the times she must have stayed up all night as I was sick. 
When I was little she would pour me a bowl of Raisin Bran. I loved it. Only I didn't like the raisins. She would take t…