Friday, March 28, 2014

Downtime Healing

Bandages cover up what the eye isn't ready to see. 

They come off. The bruises are dull and ugly. 

The pain is real and deep. 

Healing begins. At first each movement is agony. I'm almost afraid to move. But I gently wiggle my thumb to make sure..well..to make sure of what I'm not sure. Maybe just that I can feel it. Oh, but I don't want to feel the pain. It's intense. I'm wishing for the day when the pain has disappeared. 

There is numbness. But underneath that numb is life beating. 

I must face my limitations. That's not easy. It's almost unheard of. I'm not one to sit and wait. Patience is a lesson I'm still learning. This is a lesson that doesn't come easy, but it's one that I'm facing head on. After surgery I'm not able to do much of anything. As I peck away at the keys with my left hand, my right there screaming at me. "I wanna be used!" 

Just as beauty flows from the deep inside, healing to begins within. Tiny moments of feeling return. The bruises are fading. Skin is being rejuvenated with moisturizer. Slowly what was broken is being renewed. 

It's a journey. Not even a day by day journey, but a moment by moment. One step forward and two steps back. 

In stillness healing takes place. In rest peace is found. In time God transforms. 

My old hand may never be. I may not be able to write perfection. A softball may not fly from my hand again. But new has been gifted. 

The day will soon come that I  can brush the hair from my granddaughter's face. I can hold a barbie doll and pretend. I can push my grandson on the swing and tie his shoes. I can touch the face of our newest grandchild and with a kiss I can welcome this precious babe into the world. 

So much beauty to be shared. To be touched by the grace of God is to simply open my hands to Him. To look heavenward and feel the warmth of His mercy washed upon me. 

God often works in unconventional ways to bring us into the stillness of hearing His whisper. He has used this surgery to bring me closer to Him. Just a little downtime has a way of putting everything into perspective for us, doesn't it? We realize what is most valuable and what isn't of such high importance. 

So, what am I learning as I travel this road to healing? It takes time. Healing cannot be rushed. The bruises I still carry mean there is deep wounds. The stitches I can see are a reminder that healing isn't complete. The pain is still raw and there are nights that tears flow, but with that ugly pain and cheeks of pink, there too are mornings of sunshine and pure joy. 

I've spent time reading and reading and reading. Did I say, reading? I've studied until my eyes are blurred. The Word of God has been even more prevalent. Prayer is forever alive. Yes, this is what downtime is teaching me. There are times I need to slow down and just simply be. I need to let go of everything that isn't a deep priority and allow someone else to take the lead. I need to accept help and most of all I need to realize, that no matter the journey, I am never alone. 

I've had to admit to myself that I can't do everything. There are times in life where limitations hold us, but as I meet my limitations I too remind myself that there are no limitations for my Savior. He is capable of meeting my every need. 

Friend, I'm not sure what your facing today, but please know that your not alone. There isn't any facet of your life that God is not seeing and not moving in. There isn't anything wrong with downtime. In fact, it's something we often don't choose, but something God often sets in our path to teach and guide us to learn lessons we would never learn any other way.

"For we know all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28
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