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A Heart Searching

My heart is heavy and light all at the same time. I'm searching. Searching for all the Lord has for me. He is changing me. Molding me. I'm not that girl I was twenty years ago. That girl living lost. I now see my entire life has been a journey. A journey that has set me to where I am today.

God placed that perfect journey before my first breath. Although His plan perfection, I wasn't following. I took lead. But I found Him. I soaked in all He had for me. I open my eyes today and just wait for the exploration to begin. I see things different. It's like my view has changed from the view of that twenty four year old babe that first knew of her Jesus.

I have been dreaming. I envisioned, in hope, to become one of the ladies of my church that helped me grow. That gave me vision. Those ladies who lead me in example and warmed my heart with love. These ladies I speak of are no longer here. They have reached the other side of heaven and are now waiting for that great reunion. I always hoped to be half of the women they were. Their legacies still live. Their steps still leading. The echo of their voice can still be heard. I hoped to be one of those who left a deep legacy of love behind.

The church, that I have attended for twenty years, grew me. This church lead me in joy. Helped me to discover Christ and uncover His deep, vast love. This church was there for me in those hard, crippling times, when I couldn't see past the darkness. The lessons I have learned. The friendships made. The grace that has been given. The service that lead me to give beyond measure. All these and more will remain lasting with me forever.

There are times God calls us onward. He calls us to leave our favorite pew. He calls us to think outside our comfort zone. This is me. I am that girl fearful to leave the comfort, but encouraged and excited to see what the Lord has in wait. God is always at work. I don't want to miss out on anything He has. I want to be that girl that takes His leading and moves with Him. I want to go where He is calling.

On this new journey of visitation of churches I have begun a journal of hope. A journal of keeping. It is building with each week. I see a new vision before me. One that is moving outside the box of comfort. It's meeting new people and seeing how others worship. At times it almost feels like intruding. Being that new girl isn't always easy, but what I'm finding is that people are loving and ready to accept me into their house of hope. So, each week my family will visit a different church. The plan? To visit a new church, to think outside the box, to go places I hadn't expected to visit. But the Lord is calling. Although I can't see the broad spectrum as He, I know and trust that He is in control of this great new journey.

There are times where hurts build up. They are forgiven, but that scar remains. I'm learning that God's arms are much wider than my own. His forgiveness and grace travel beyond any vision. He loves with no boundaries. His love is limitless. It is timeless. It is perfection. In the missteps of us sinners, saved by grace, His beauty remains. His hope is alive. He can take those hurts and create a new found beauty. A greater compassion for people. It is through those very hurts I have experienced His divine love. It is through these hurts that I have found a deeper relationship with Christ. He has given me a greater desire to soak up His Word than ever before.

I want to be used of Him. I want to be His willing vessel. I pray my life can be pleasing to Him and may I never seek the accolades of man. May I never stand before man thinking I am greater. For it is in my moment of weakness that the Lord's strength shines mighty.

There comes a moment in our walk we must ask ourselves, "Why do I go to church?" I want to be changed. I want to be inspired. I want to walk with Christ. I want to dive in to His Word with new passion. I want to reach out. Those wants hold a lot of I's, but within those I's, is the deep passion to find Christ and all He has and to be His vessel. To reach out in new ways and serve with a new joy.

Friends, if you are on this journey, may we find all Christ has for us. May we forever search for His plan and purpose. May we live with grace, forgiveness and love. May we reach beyond all boundaries and live the impossible through our all possible Jesus.

Don't fear change. Don't live with regret. Don't just go through the motions and settle for the same. Don't compromise, but expand Jesus living in you. Lets take this new day and live new in a Jesus who was willing to beyond all measure so we could see His glory and wonder in all around us.

God's blessings

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find Me." Jeremiah 29:11-12

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8


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