Thursday, September 23, 2010

Change? Really? Now?

As I crawl under the cover at night. Lay my head on the pillow, fluffing it with intention. I curl up for a good nights sleep and what happens? I am awake. Sleep just does not want to come. I toss and turn and then, when all is silent and I am finally sleeping peacefully, what happens? I wake finding myself in a pool of sweat! Yes, hair glued to the back of my neck and I feel as though I have been out in the heat working up a sweat. Oh no!
Is it time for this, really? I think. Okay, I will be 44 in December. No, it can't be this time yet. I really don't think this could be happening yet. Then I begin to put pieces of this womanly puzzle together. The tears that stream from no where. The anger that appears at the blink of an eye and I have no idea why. I am just mad! My body is changing. My hair is getting thicker and curlier. Now, that one puzzles me. Oh, and there is more. Changes are coming out of left field.
Even my husband has noticed, but dare he say anything? That might be a little dangerous. So, while watching television one night what comes on? You got it. A commercial for Menopause. There is just something negative about that word. It just sounds mean, doesn't it? Really, can anything good come of it? This is a time where I could go into a chocolate induced coma. That's right. I am going through so many emotions, the only medication I need is chocolate and lots of it. I mean it could have been called, "Lets Pause for Chocolate." Anything, but Menopause. Come on! Are we really pausing from men? Maybe we need to. They just simply don't understand. Who knew you could have so many emotions at one time. My husband looks at me and then pauses to see if it's okay to enter into my world. Should he approach or should he just simply stay clear until the smoke clears. I can't even answer that because I have no idea when my mood is going to go from happy, to crying, to madder than a skunk. This is like an emotional meltdown.
I mean there are so many jokes about Menopause. I am thinking this is no joking matter. I dare anyone to joke with me right now. lol I mean, come on. We go through our teenage years and puberty which is bad enough with zits and now, here they are again at 43! Seriously, what woman wants to carry around a zit on her chin for ten years again?
After that we go through our 20s where we think we know everything and make the dumbest mistakes ever. Now we head into our 30s and have children and our bodies change drastically. Who knew a body could do that? Aw, and now the 40s. Do you know how many people have told me, "This is the best time of your life?" Really? I didn't think Menopause would hit until I was like 50 or 60. Maybe even 70. I am thinking Jesus should be back by then, right? One more reason to want Him to hurry up! I do not want to have a heat flash when the trumpet sounds!
And please, this is so hard to talk about. Who wants to call up her girlfriend and say, "Hey, you having hot flashes?" Wrinkles come, and things begin to dry out. Everything becomes dry! Am I wrong? My eye sockets feel as though there should be sand in there to cover the desert!  And let's talk about dessert, with that extra s! That piece of cake goes right to the hips ladies! No more big bowls of ice cream for this girl. This is something every woman goes through. Some have gone through it before me and those little women will go through it after me. I almost dread telling them what they are in for. It's kind of scary. It's one of those unknown things. Sure, we can read about it, but no one talks about it. Come to find out, I have quite a few girlfriends who are going through the same things right now. Don't worry, I am not gonna write your names down. But really, why are we afraid to talk about this? Are we ashamed? Are we fearful of admitting that we are getting older? My husband reminded me one day that I was middle aged. I thought, "No, I am most certainly not!! That is like 50, not 43!" But the more I thought, the more he was right. Please don't tell him that. He is right enough as it is. I think that is really it. We don't want to get older. We really think of this time as we are old, grey, and wrinkly. Oh, and angry.
It's not like we haven't heard enough about PMS, right? Now, we get to add on Menopause to our list of gifts. I mean really God, what were You thinking? I guess we could continue to blame Eve. If she just could have went on her business and ate the right kind of fruit. I mean did she have to take a bite? Couldn't she just smell it? Or say, "Hey, Adam, come on over here and taste this fruit for me."
Men, you just don't have to go through all the things women do. I think that makes us pretty special indeed. As my mom use to say, "Whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." Ladies, if we can make it through childbirth and menopause we can make it through any war that comes our way. I mean when we are young we protect our children like a momma bear, and during menopause we have the strength and anger to fight off a bear with our own hands!
I think we should not be ashamed, but stand with the beauty and grace the Lord gave us. Ladies, we go through so much in life. Things a man will never understand. So, let's embrace these changes. There has to be a blessing, right? God has a plan, right? He wouldn't allow these things if there was not a perfect plan above. I think going through these changes makes us more sensitive to others needs. We begin to open our hearts more, and if anything, we begin to search God more.
As these crazy changes happen to us we need to embrace each other. We need to be there to share these emotions with our friends. My mom never talked about this stuff. No one ever told me what to expect. So, when these changes begin to creep up on you, you freak out. You want to hide out until it's all over. I mean, how long is this going to last girls?
Ten years ago I had to have a partial hysterectomy. My uterus had to go. Even though I had my tubes tide after our last son, I didn't want to. It was done for my health. At that time, it was so hard. I knew I could always reverse that tubal, but no uterus? You can't change that. No more babies was hard. I had wanted even more children. We would have a whole house full. We are blessed with amazing children and they are enough. They are all I need. I just loved being pregnant. I think that was my favorite time of life. So, to say good bye to that permanently was hard.
So, now as our home is almost at that empty nest, now this change too. I feel like everything is becoming empty. My womb has been empty and now my home too. I am not excited about having another empty room down the hall, nor am I happy about these new changes that are happening. But what do you do? You can't stop it, right? Now, if someone out there has a secret you need to let me know!
All I know to do is simply turn to God. Lean on my husband and surround myself with the grace and friendship of my girlfriends. God Himself is enough, but He doesn't leave it at that. He has graced my life with some amazing people to help light the way. If nothing else just to simply be there. We can walk the unknown together. If anything it is simply more to talk about. Now, there is a plus, right? Girlfriends always need more to share, besides all those prayer requests we love to share, right? You Baptist girls know what I am talking about. lol
We are not alone. There are many resources out there to guide us through this time and that alone is more than my mother had. It is simply a part of life, of growing older. I always say I am not afraid to grow old, maybe that is not so true. I think any change is scary. This one just happens to be a pretty big one. But aren't we always changing? The point is, through all these changes we need to like ourselves. We need to love ourselves. Take care of ourselves. I certainly like who I am today much more than when I was 20, even 30. The more by body changes, the more the Lord shows His favor and grace. May we not look to television and Hollywood for the characteristics of a woman, but may we search God and His word. Proverbs 31 gives us the picture of a godly woman. A woman who has her focus on God. That is the woman I want to be.
What about you? Do you have any advice to share? Any fears of your own? When our jeans don't fit like they used to and our hair doesn't quite do what we want any longer, do not fret. Simply go get yourself a chocolate bar and open the word of God. Read His love letter to you and know that you are His princess. You are priceless and a gift to all!!
Psalm 139:14 "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."

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