Monday, April 5, 2010

a new day

What do you do when those storms come? What do you do when those changes come that we are not ready for? We can choose to climb in the lap of Jesus or we can become angry and move away from Him. Even those who have a strong faith can feel the tides coming in and not sure which way to run.
One of my favorite times was when I carried my precious children. I loved being pregnant, and for the most part I was just joyous all the time. I was blessed to carry three children, my beautiful girls and the son who changed everything I knew. I knew nothing about having boys, but that all changed quickly. I am blessed beyond words to have the children I have.

Although, my husband and I thought we would have a whole house full of more children. When we married he had two, I had two and we had Jake, who seemed to bring us all together. But my pregnancy with Jake was much harder. There were many complications, and he wanted to come early. Although they stopped my contractions many times, the last time they couldn't. I was barely seven months along. His birth was a frightful one. I didn't know if my baby would survive until hours later. Praise Jesus everything was wonderful with him. Although a preemie, at seventeen he is now 6'4.

After Jake we wanted more children. Our home was already full of love, but more added just would have been extra blessings. But that was not to happen. During 9/11 I had to have a hysterectomy. A partial, but none the less, no more children for me and my husband. My son would not have a little brother or sister to torture as he was.

As some would say, "Why are you so sad, you have three beautiful children?" I just wanted to cry. I didn't understand why I couldn't have more children to hold at night. It took my body almost a year to heal after this hysterectomy, but the scars it left are still there today. For this girl who loves children so I just wanted to share in having more. But it was not to be. I know the Lord has His way and purpose for my life, but it was hard for me to accept. Now ten years later it is much easier. I take delight in my friends babies, and I am soon to the greatest Nana ever as my oldest daughter is carrying her first.

There are those women who have miscarried, those who have lost their children at an early age, and those who have never been able to carry a child of their own. My heart breaks for these women and men who want to hold their own baby so very much.

Although I do not understand why, I trust in the Lord, for I know His ways are higher than mine. He renewed me and gave me great joy in the days to come after my hysterectomy. It was a process in which I wanted more, but He was enough.

Things happen in our lives, and we are not sure why. They just happen for no good reason it seems, but God sees all. He knows all and He has a greater purpose. He is moving and molding us, creating in us all He has created us to be.

Through all those tears I cried, through all those roller coaster emotions, He carried me through. When I wanted to turn away, He kept calling me back. My walk with Him has been sweeter through the trust I have in Him.

I even had a name for my next baby girl, yes, she would have been a girl no doubt. Emma Grace Prater. Although that day never came, my youngest daughter has chosen that name for her daughter to be some day. The Lord sends blessings we never expect to see, and He send them just at the right time we are ready to accept them.

For every woman's arms that are empty there is a child who needs tender love and care.

Whatever you are going through this morning, and you think its the end of the world for you, there is more. This trial too shall pass, and you will see that mountain top. As you walk through that valley, the Lord has your hand. It is through those valleys that we once at the top can look across and see all the beauty before us.

Trust the Lord with all your heart today. Lean on Him. Open your heart to Him. You are not alone. Go to Him for your strength and support. He will give the grace for you to move forward and through Him you will find that He is all you need.
2 Corinthians 12:9a "And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
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