Monday, December 28, 2009

Interruptions

Wow, does this life give us interruptions, daily interruptions. We can be all comfortable, and then that rug is pulled right out from under us. So this brings the question, should we be comfortable? You can't prepare for interruptions, they just come out of no where, leaving you sitting, wide eyed, thinking, what next? My life at one time seemed almost surreal. Things just seemed perfect, having a home filled with such love, kids running here and there, dinners at the table, and my mother asking me to go to yard sales with her, Steve working daily, and we had everything we needed and more. I have to say I was comfortable, I had peace, or what I thought was peace. Then life changed, as life changes we change. That comfortable feeling is gone, and life is up in the air, while you find yourself trying to hang on as the tornado rips through your home, taking with it everything special and meaningful. As I sit and watch my husband fill out application after application, watching him become so humble, I see the fear in His eyes, the not knowing what is going to happen next week, I see failure written across his face, when he is anything but. People do not understand unless they too have been there. In eighteen years we have never had to worry about how our next bill was going to get paid, how are we going to put food on our table, or if we are going to lose all we have. Today, we face those trials. As I had written before about what a year it has been, well, this has been our year of trials. A year of praying for a job, a year of praying for our children, my illness' increasingly getting worse, my mother's health declining daily, and the list goes on and on. There have been times where I have asked God, "Are you seeing this? Are you listening to my prayers? Are you hearing my cries in the night?" I have to be honest and say, there has been anger there. Anger at feeling as though what have we done to go through all this. Anger in feeling we are alone in this trial. Anger in watching a country, a company treat their people like they are nothing, while they are filling their pockets with money. Anger at listening to others say all they are getting for Christmas when I am not sure if we could put a dinner together. Anger at the hurt my son feels toward his brother and sisters, for living their lives, and leaving him behind. Anger at Christians who look the other way. Anger, anger and more anger. God understands my anger, my questions, my hurt, my heart. Everything is not always hearts and flowers in my life. There are those days where I question everything, and have no understanding of anything. I pray for peace, for comfort, for the Lords blessings, but I believe our feelings of peace are just a little different than that of the Lord. I think peace would be my husband driving home with a job, all our bills being paid, our kids walking into church with us and leaving their worldly lives behind, my mother being able to see, to walk without being out of breath,for me to step out of bed without pain. To see those hurting around me healed, to see my friend and I never have to take a pain med again, but those are things of comfort, not peace. God's peace is a peace that shines past all the circumstances we are facing, His peace gives us the strength to make it through, the faith to believe and the hope that He is in control. Peace does not mean everything is great and good in life, peace means our hearts are in the right place, right there with the Lord, knowing He has His mighty hand in all that touches us. People may ask me, "Where is your God now?" My answer to that would be right here with me. He hasn't left me, nor my family. Our circumstances may be effecting our lives, they may be filling our thoughts daily, but our circumstances do not define us, they are not who we are. Real peace only comes from the Lord, and it is a sweet spirit that overcomes all the trials facing you, and fills you with such peace in knowing all is going to be okay. Peace is not having our list filled, everything checked, and all in order. Peace is feeling God's love wash over you, its having His joy fill your heart, and it is knowing whatever you face, His grace is with you. In scripture Jesus opened many times saying,"Peace be to you", or "Peace I leave with you". It wasn't a thing, something He left at their door, it is something He leaves in our heart. In all this year, in all these trials we are still facing, I may have those days in which I get down, those days I lay awake wondering what is going to happen, but for the most part, one lesson I have learned is to find real peace, I must call out to Jesus, not let my circumstances good or bad delegate if I have peace or not, but allow my faith in Christ to assure me His peace is with me.
Philippians 3:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Romans 5:1-5 " Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
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