Saturday, October 17, 2009

do you have one too?

If you are married you have one, a mother-in-law, which if your blessed you have a mother-in-love, for me it has to be a law to bring us together. It would be so amazing to be able to pick out your mother-in-law, I even have a few I see and would love to have. If we could make a trade of some kind, that would be rather wonderful. I have tried for eighteen years to have a relationship with my mother-in-law, I often think it will never happen. I pray I am a good mother-in-law when my son gets married. I have such vision to work with, but when you know you are not liked, what do ya do? I use to say things back when she would hurt my feelings, but then I only came home and cried because I said something, then I wouldn't say anything at all, biting my tongue, then I would still come home mad and crying, so for me, it was the best choice to stay away. In staying away it I cannot say it has brought peace, for I wish our family was very close, but it has kept me from saying things I would soon regret and it has given me a heart to pray for her and for me, for us to have a relationship one day. I know I am not alone in this. I hear of so many women who have mother-in-laws and they struggle, they struggle trying to meet their standards, and well, the more I tried, the worse it seemed to be. My husband says he is blessed to have my mom as a mother-in-law, she has always loved him and treated him so. I just had to realize I was never going to meet her standards, for whatever I did, it was not good enough, and as I kept trying, the higher her standards became, only she didn't have to live up to those standards, only me. It can be heart breaking to be at distance with your mother-in-law, and when you live three miles away, at times it is not distance enough. Yes, to others she is a thoughtful woman, and yes, she does have her good points, but as for me, she isn't going to budge one step. This morning I was thinking of Ruth and Naomi, what an amazing story that God has blessed us with. Two women, they both lose their loves, and instead of parting, they go together, they stick together, and they love each other with all their hearts. For me, I have to be honest and say I wouldn't or couldn't be Ruth, she was so kind and compassionate to Naomi, but I would say,"Do I have to take her?" Ruth and Naomi both teach us alot here, they show us what family is, they show us what love is, and having a bond, not just any bond, but a very strong one. Ruth 1:14-18 " At this they wept again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-by, but Ruth clung to her. 'Look, said Naomi, your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.' But Ruth replied,'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely if anything but death separates you and me.' When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her." Is this not a story of beauty? Ruth new that they were family, and she was going to take care of Naomi until the end, nothing would seperate them. I only dream of a relationship like theirs. How special it must have been for them to share such a love together. Naomi was her mother-in-love. If there was a story to tell about my relationship with my mother-in-law it would be "Everybody loves Raymond"! I need to work on my relationship with my mother-in-law, even if she makes it difficult, I still need to show her love and show her that I am here. Often the hardest things in life bring the biggest blessings, and if I can learn to put my hurt away and not carry anger in my heart, the Lord can move through me and bring peace. You may not have a relationship like Ruth and Naomi, but don't fear, keep being yourself, be the woman God made you to be, we don't have to meet anyone's standards but God's. I remember she once told me I would never be a woman, because I didn't know what real work was, I didn't can, I didn't garden and I didn't cut wood! I could have fell over, I didn't know being a woman, a loving wife, and mother required I do those things. If you are in that place today, pray for healing, pray for God to move in both of you, and have a open heart to listen to Him, He just might ask you to be a Ruth, and for us, we must answer that call. God will not ask big things of us, until we can do the little things He asks. Remember she is the mother of your husband or wife, and when we marry our husband, we too marry his family, and for the love of my husband, I need to try to build a bridge there, and for my Father in heaven, I need to show love to her and continue to pray for God to open that door so we can communicate, so we can be friends, and share together just as Ruth and Naomi did. I have to say its easier for me to stay away, but the easiest things are not going to bring glory to our God in heaven. I have to give up myself and let go of my pride before God can move through me. Love is the key to making all things work for the glory of God~
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